[deleted]

[Deleted member]

[deleted]

 

[Netro Vince]

[deleted]

 

[Captain Woomy]

[deleted]

 

[Netro Vince]

[deleted]

 

[Deleted member]

[deleted]

 

[Deleted member]

[deleted]

 

[Sgt. Puffling]

[deleted]

 

[Captain Woomy]

It's been a little while since I've had some liver. April's will do nicely.

 

[Deleted member]

For those of you who have just now started reading, What happened in this segment is similar to what happens when you do the Captain Woomy ritual. (I have tweaked it a little.)

And now, a ritual that is performed to summon Captain Woomy.

This ritual must be done at night, around 9:00 p.m. (8:00 central time), when the moon is in position.

Get a blue marker (dry erase) or blue paint. Do not use a marker or paint that is not blue, or the ritual will not work.

Go to your bathroom. Your bathroom will need a mirror. If not, get a different mirror.

Write "Wommy" in all capital letters on the mirror with your marker or paint. Be sure to spell "wommy", not "woomy". This will enrage Captain Woomy.

Get a cookie. Any cookie will do. Cover your left eye with the cookie and look at the mirror. Say "Captain Woomy, come this way, Captain Woomy, come to play". Then eat the cookie you used to cover your eye.

If you are foolish enough to do this, at 4:20 a.m., Captain Woomy will slither out of your toilet, sneak up on you, and EAT YOU ALIVE. Be careful, because she likes to munch on intestines and liver.

 

[Captain Woomy]

Stop making me hungry.

 

[Deleted member]

Since Marina was born on December 5th, here is the story of her birth.

Marcel was working at the St. Cuttlefish hospital that morning, when he was alerted with a surprise. Nurse Bobtail came rushing through the door with his pregnant wife, who's legs and shoes were soaked.

"Your water broke?!" Marcel shouted. "But--but you're not due for another two weeks!"

"That's what I thought, too," Stephanie said, hyperventilating. "This baby wants to come out NOW."

Marcel rushed Stephanie onto a wheelchair and rolled her to one of the rooms. Nurse Bobtail rushed after. The room had Squidmas decorations, due to it being December. He plopped her onto the bed and told her to do her breathing. Marcel washed his hands and put on some sterile gloves.

"At last," Stephanie sighed. "I've been waitin' for this for nine months!"

After a while, Marcel told Stephanie to push. Stephanie pushed as instructed, and she was sweaty with a vein bulging on her head. She yanked Nurse Bobtail by her arm and squeezed her hand as hard as she could. Bobtail screamed because her hand was being crushed, and Stephanie was screaming because she was giving birth.

After 30 minutes of Stephanie screaming and pushing, the baby girl was finally born. Stephanie let out a sigh of relief. But something was wrong. The baby wasn't crying. Marcel suctioned the baby Inkling's beak, and after a 15 second delay, the baby realized she was out of the womb, then started crying. "Phew," Marcel sighed. He handed the baby to Nurse Bobtail, who detached the baby from her mother by clamping the umbilical cord, while Marcel removed the umbilical cord from Stephanie. The baby was only three pounds.

After Marcel and Bobtail tested the baby and measured her, she could finally be with her mother. She stopped crying.

"What should we name 'er?" Stephanie asked. All three of them started thinking of names.

"Seashell?"

"No. Tori?"

"Naw. Marcie?"

"Nope."

Just then, Nurse Bobtail thought of another name. She asked, "How about 'Marina'?"

"Marina," Stephanie exclaimed. "That's a beautiful name!" Marcel happily agreed.

Nurse Bobtail got out her tripod and put the camera on a timer. She and the couple smiled, and a shutter went off.

After taking pictures, Marcel smiled at the baby. He said, "Welcome to the world, Marina."

Marina smiled back.

And that is the story of Marina's birth.

 

[Captain Woomy]

You just reminded me of the splatastic thing I did instead of crying when I was first born.

 

[Deleted member]

You just reminded me of the splatastic thing I did instead of crying when I was first born.

*sigh...* Let me guess. It starts with "W" and ends in 'oomy". -_-

 

[Captain Woomy]

Nope.

I took a crap.




Then I woomied.

 

[Netro Vince]

....................

 

[Netro Vince]

wow capn, woomy didn't even exist till splatoon started and you did that.....being sarcastic

 

[Deleted member]

Nope.

I took a crap.




Then I woomied.

...

Please excuse me while I go bang my head against the wall.

 

[Captain Woomy]

Come on, we all know you're secretly happy about my weird posts. There's no point in pretending like they disturb you anymore.

 

[Captain Woomy]

Come on, we all know you're secretly happy about my weird posts. There's no point in pretending like they disturb you anymore.

 

[Deleted member]

Come on, we all know you're secretly happy about my weird posts. There's no point in pretending like they disturb you anymore.

I was talking about the fact that you pooped when you were born. That is TMI. There are certain things you need to keep to yourself.