lgbtqia2s+ related help (pls help guys)

[madt]

uh so I know that like 90% of sploon community is lgbtqia2s+ and well im tired of questioning my orientation and identity so here ya go

I think im asexual and panromantic and demiromantic and aegoromantic (which is when you enjoy the concept of romance but not actually wanting to be involved in romance)(if you dont know what that is) (that sounded rude) and also maybe non-binary??? or just they/them pronouns??????????? I dont really enjoy when people use "she/her/hers" that much because I dont really feel that feminine but I still like being considered " a girl" but also not wanting to considered non-binary but wanting to use they/them pronouns?

idk im confused and I figured "hey maybe squidboards can help!" :D

um

thanks

 

[sevenleaf]

to be clear are you looking for advice on like, what to do next? or how to figure out your identity for sure? or a little of both?

 

[madt]

uh both idk im just like super confused

 

[sevenleaf]

okay i might go into more detail later when i have time (and ofc feel free to ask more questions) but the two biggest things i wanna get across are:

1) you have time to figure it out. i don't know how old you are but i get the impression you're young, and your understanding of yourself is going to change and evolve. i remember feeling stressed about having to figure out exactly how to label my gender and orientation RIGHT NOW when i was like, 12-15, and... you really don't! you have time to think about it, 'try on' different labels and pronouns and modes of presentation, etc etc. maybe you'll find that in three years or one or even like, a month later, you'll feel differently. that's okay! it was still worth exploring. which brings me to my next point:

2) you are not taking anything that isn't yours by publicly identifying one way and then changing your mind. you're allowed to explore! my personal identity journey looked kinda like "bi cis girl cis lesbian pan cis girl pan trans man pan agender pan cis girl bi/pan(?) nonbinary nonbinary girl-liker who isn't sure if they can call themself a lesbian nonbinary lesbian". at every stage i allowed myself to change how i presented (where i could), ask people to use different pronouns, got pins and flags and put graphics on my blogs with my 'current' identities' flags, etc etc. if you identify today as, to take one example, asexual, go all-in with ace pride, and then realize later that you don't think that's true anymore - you haven't hurt your own self-discovery journey, and you haven't taken anything away from the ace community. this even applies if you one day don't identify as lgbtq at all! even if that's the case, i think you're better off for having allowed yourself to explore your identity. so really, don't worry about being "sure" before you label yourself one way or another.

 

[madt]

thanks sevenleaf :)

 

[LemonBoy]

okay i might go into more detail later when i have time (and ofc feel free to ask more questions) but the two biggest things i wanna get across are:

1) you have time to figure it out. i don't know how old you are but i get the impression you're young, and your understanding of yourself is going to change and evolve. i remember feeling stressed about having to figure out exactly how to label my gender and orientation RIGHT NOW when i was like, 12-15, and... you really don't! you have time to think about it, 'try on' different labels and pronouns and modes of presentation, etc etc. maybe you'll find that in three years or one or even like, a month later, you'll feel differently. that's okay! it was still worth exploring. which brings me to my next point:

2) you are not taking anything that isn't yours by publicly identifying one way and then changing your mind. you're allowed to explore! my personal identity journey looked kinda like "bi cis girl cis lesbian pan cis girl pan trans man pan agender pan cis girl bi/pan(?) nonbinary nonbinary girl-liker who isn't sure if they can call themself a lesbian nonbinary lesbian". at every stage i allowed myself to change how i presented (where i could), ask people to use different pronouns, got pins and flags and put graphics on my blogs with my 'current' identities' flags, etc etc. if you identify today as, to take one example, asexual, go all-in with ace pride, and then realize later that you don't think that's true anymore - you haven't hurt your own self-discovery journey, and you haven't taken anything away from the ace community. this even applies if you one day don't identify as lgbtq at all! even if that's the case, i think you're better off for having allowed yourself to explore your identity. so really, don't worry about being "sure" before you label yourself one way or another.

I know this wasn't for me but i needed this ty.

uh so I know that like 90% of sploon community is lgbtqia2s+ and well im tired of questioning my orientation and identity so here ya go

I think im asexual and panromantic and demiromantic and aegoromantic (which is when you enjoy the concept of romance but not actually wanting to be involved in romance)(if you dont know what that is) (that sounded rude) and also maybe non-binary??? or just they/them pronouns??????????? I dont really enjoy when people use "she/her/hers" that much because I dont really feel that feminine but I still like being considered " a girl" but also not wanting to considered non-binary but wanting to use they/them pronouns?

idk im confused and I figured "hey maybe squidboards can help!" :D

um

thanks

I'm just gonna start with this, i havent been a part of this community long at all. Theres still sooooo much i dont know and @sevenleaf said anything i would have said better anyways. One gender identitiy suggestion i have is demigirl/gender. From the top search on google, "This nonbinary gender identity describes someone who partially identifies with being a girl, woman, womxn, or feminine. The term demigirl tells you about someone's gender identity but doesn't convey any information about the sex or gender assigned to someone at birth. A demigirl can be cisgender or trans." I dont have anything for pronouns besides use what you want, combo them, neopronouns, theres prolly more. Anyway thats all i have, hope it helped in some way

 

[Mp3]

Well… I have no idea. I was born a girl, am a girl now, and I like dudes. Good luck on figuring this out though! You can do it!

 

[youre_a_squib_now]

I feel like anything I could possibly add to this conversation will get quite a few people very mad at me.

 

[sevenleaf]

I feel like anything I could possibly add to this conversation will get quite a few people very mad at me.

…why say anything then? i’m gonna be real, regardless of intention, this kind of response just reads as “i want to say something that i know will upset people.” which is… not a great vibe on a thread where someone’s asking for this sort of advice.

 

[Algae]

With queer literally meaning "non-normative", I've thought a lot about what I was in terms of gender identity and sexual orientation, too. I can barely guess what sorta commotion could've occurred here, but on the topic of queer labels, I found some good advice from the lesbian zoology vlogger Astrid Lundberg: "Fortunately, queer identity is not a medical diagnosis. You don't need to go to medical school to hand them out and there is no list of diagnostic criteria. You are the world's leading expert on yourself and you may name yourself and your identity and your feelings... however you please."

 

[Neko :D]

It took me a really long time to figure myself out. I just recently came out as pansexual and trans, and my family did not take it well, but this isn't about them, is it?
As for you, I really don't think there is any rush in trying to figure it out, but I know it can be stressful trying to take it slow. So the only advice I really have is to take your time and please don't stress, it only makes things worse and if you don't like to be called by female pronouns, then it's okay to tell people, even if you think people will treat you differently (which they shouldn't ) It's your life and you should be able to do what makes you feel happy.

 

[Alphine_Agnitio]

…why say anything then? i’m gonna be real, regardless of intention, this kind of response just reads as “i want to say something that i know will upset people.” which is… not a great vibe on a thread where someone’s asking for this sort of advice.

"if you have nothing nice to say don't say it at all" I feel applies here

 

[TOD13]

-you could take a look around on this LGBT wiki and see if any of the identities fit you (if that makes sense, sorry if i worded that weird). it helped me figure out that i'm omnisexual.

-pronouns and gender don't always match up. cis women can use he/him, trans men can use it/its, the list goes on. you could be a girl who uses they/them. try talking about yourself in the third person with different pronouns and see which ones you do or don't like!

-it's alright to change what labels you use if you feel they don't fit you well anymore.

-don't rush to figure everything out. i went from straight cis girl -> lesbian cis girl -> lesbian enby -> straight trans man -> omnisexual trans man within the span of about 5 years, and even then i'm not sure if that totally describes me! figuring out your identity is a journey, not a race.

 

[Alphine_Agnitio]

-don't rush to figure everything out. i went from straight cis girl -> lesbian cis girl -> lesbian enby -> straight trans man -> omnisexual trans man within the span of about 5 years, and even then i'm not sure if that totally describes me! figuring out your identity is a journey, not a race.

be me
think you're straight
no, you're gay
gay for a year
meets non-binary friends, listens to their experiences, resonates with you
are trans now

in the span of less then 2 years for me

Theres a crazy amount of dsyphoria I feel looking at my old pics with a neckbeard(because my ******* didn't know how to shave until I was trans) but a lot of eurphoria I have with my long hair and dresses now

 

[sevenleaf]

figuring out your identity is a journey, not a race.

yes!!! this is a great way to put it. how early and how quickly you figure yourself out is a deeply personal thing. what matters isn't that you "got it right" the first time or figured it out within a certain timeframe or by a certain age, but that you allowed yourself to figure out who you are.

 

[solz]

Still don't know what I identify as But I love Threads like this because it kind of helps me understand myself And learn a bit more about the community

 

[madt]

thank you so much guys this is really helpful and it helps a lot to have other people who are feeling the same way as me. sending pie your way

 

[2bdamned]

i'm a little late to this thread but i wanted to agree with what sevenleaf said. you absolutely have time to figure yourself out and explore that too! it's different for everybody but there is absolutely no harm in experimenting with your identity to work out what suits YOU the best. it took me a hot minute to get where i am now, i don't think it's ever a simple process. if anything, it's good that you are thinking about it to know yourself better. so it might take a bit of time and that is totally 100% OK.

this even applies if you one day don't identify as lgbtq at all! even if that's the case, i think you're better off for having allowed yourself to explore your identity. so really, don't worry about being "sure" before you label yourself one way or another.

really love that you said this in particular, there is no harm in allowing yourself to try different things for your identity. i think that the most important thing though is what you feel comfortable with.

 

[neonscreenlight]

...see as the resident asexual person here i feel like i should help you out here but tbh i just saw the term aroace one day and was like "damn that me" and i haven't been challenged on that since

and then there was the hell i went through trying to figure out my gender which i eventually settled on "i'm a cis girl but there's a little bit of Queerness to it that i cannot decipher" which i shorten to "nonbinary woman" for convenience