idk which ones are good or bad objectively, if they are objectively anything. Also, please note that my thoughts and opinions will be primarily based on Turf War. Because the ranked match objectives are 2gimmicky4me.
Saltspray Rig: Probably my favorite map in the game. One of the few maps where getting boxed in at your base is pretty much a non-existent issue.
Port Mackerel: A generic cubed map with moving trucks that occasionally ****block me. I just love the sheer simplicity of this stage. Even better is how sidepaths don't reach far enough, reducing ambush potential dramatically. I'd love the map even more if they didn't have it in the rotations all the bloody time when the game first came out.
Ancho-V Games: This stage reminds me a lot of Walleye Warehouse and Blackbelly Skatepark (lower on the list), with the big difference being that there's fans all over the place. One slowly takes you to a pathway that leads to a part of the map that long-ranged weapons can exploit to put pressure and harassment on the enemy team, with another serving as interesting means of defense. The latter detail ends up placing this level above the aforementioned Warehouse, as it's not skinny enough to get boxed into your base like in WW (your base is in fact inaccessible to the opposing team, putting this above Blackbelly as well), and snipers do not become godlike entities upon reaching the Sauron's Tower in the middle of the stage like in the other two maps.
Blackbelly Skatepark: I don't know why I like this stage much more now. Maybe it's just because the Bucket and Splataling Gun are terribly ineffective in this stage, yet people are eager to use them anyway because "Yay, New Stuff!" Maybe the patch simply sneaked in some secret mechanic that makes this level actually playable as a result. Perhaps I've simply accomplished the unachievable task that is to "git gud." Whatever the reason, it's much better now. It still has the flaws of having that obnoxious tower sitting in the middle of the stage, yet it's much more back-and-forth in terms of what team has control over it, eliminating it's overall oppressive nature. The two pathways aren't as consistently used to flank my team in anymore. Interestingly enough, the better team will be blatantly obvious, as close calls are about as common as unicorn-dragon hybrids that liked Sonic Boom: Rise of Lyric: Not completely non-existent, but rare enough to be glanced over by american political campaigns.
Moray Towers: What keeps me from liking this map is simple: it's a long, narrow level, making recovery (ie getting back into the fray after getting splat) an arduous task in and of itself. Since it's almost pure hallway, there's not much room to boost your special gauge. naively placed inkstrikes are the only unmarked territory that you can score points on while on the way. Not to mention the height disparity of it all making it extremely difficult to decipher where things are. What keeps me from disliking this level is also simple: the length of the map demands you super jump at least once or twice. The aforementioned difficulty in getting specials apply true to the enemy team as well. This creates an environment where Krakens, Inzookas and Bubblers don't get to be as big of a problem as they are on other maps. The way the map is built lures scrublords into wasting the few Inkstrikes they do get on worthless sectors that will be inked over immediately. The height of everything allows for weapons like Jet Squelchers, .96 Gals and (of course) Splataling Guns to ink entire corridors with ease.
Bluefin Depot: I suggest not letting your team lets itself get flanked by concentrating all of its effort into one lane. A criticism I would wager would be that once the enemy swims their way up to your base, it's virturally game over, but this is nothing new for maps, so I suppose it's fitting.
Camp Triggerfish: One big plus is how different it looks from the rest of the game. Whereas you have the urban and harbor environments of the multiplayer, or a urban-meets-cyberfunk feel for the singleplayer campaign, Camp Triggerfish (Or my cute little pet name for it, Camp Triggeredfish) goes for a more outdoorsy style. I also appreciate how this is one of the few maps that has a last-minute addition as the match goes on. The major criticism I'd level at this stage is that it feels extremely difficult to protect the sideline of the nearby area because it literally doesn't open until the last minute. I have no idea how we're supposed to keep the enemy from ambushing us from behind thus far.
Flounder Heights: One oddity with this map is that it's one of the few stages where my preferred methods of getting around usually involve inking the walls. Seriously, height management is a very important factor in getting around on this map. This makes FH one of the worst maps for me to use Rollers in, the other being Camp Triggerfish. What ranks this map as Below-Average as opposed to Above-Average for me is that I always feel like I can't keep a lid on the match when I play this. The enemy always finds some way another to sneak past my team and wreck the place.
Walleye Warehouse: The little hallways to the side create a needlessly hostile atmosphere where no fun can be had unless that lame little corridor off to the side has been closed, locked, sealed, and kept 10,000 kilometers out of the other teams reach. Also, I remember when I was a young lad in the olden days and Rollers were the bane of my existence. Since then, Chargers are starting to takeover the role as the "gratuitous pain in the tentacles of which I do so ever want to prioritize making the lives and gaming experience of anyone with the audacity to use it a living hell." weapon class. Almost every time I die to one of these, I feel my sanity momentarily shut down as I feel the strong desire/urge to reach into the game and wring the offending inkling's neck like a rubber towel and scream "THAT WASN'T VERY NICE, YA KNOW".
Kelp Dome: I used to think this was my favorite stage in Splatoon, but a couple of bad matches later, this stage just leaves a sour taste in my mouth. Enemies blend in too well with the background when on the catwalks; the circular nature of the level's layout makes it difficult to pinpoint where the enemy could come from, and for some reason in this stage more then others, enemies feel inclined to relentlessly pursue you to the other end of pluto.
Urchin Underpass: At first, this map was sorta interesting because of all the neat paths I felt I could take, but over time I've been in enough matches to become passive aggressive towards it. First off, we have the fences. There is never a time where I am able to simply swim through them. It is always a slog to navigate through, to the point where it's almost just a wall to me. Next, there's those sniper nests. If I leave it alone for even a fraction of a second, there is a high likelihood of my team getting roflstomped because the enemy spills out of that area like a household pipe bursting from the winter frost. If I do go through it, the enemy flanks it and I die that way. In general, maybe it's just me, but I've noticed when my team wins it's because we've barely secured the center, but when my team loses the enemy has not only taken the pit in the middle of the stage but a chunk of our area the size of which also rivals the size of Russia and Charlie Sheen's ego combined. I can't help but feel that that's a bit too much. The map redesign, however, has somehow made this stage even worse: the chokepoint sitting between the pit and the area your team has an advantage in has been widened so it's easier for scumbags to slip by, the sniper nest itself has been widened which puts snipers using it at an even bigger disadvanage when ambushed in the nest then before, and there's two outlets from the sniper nest overlooking the rest of the stage that further complicates the sniper's decision. If you main chargers, then avoid this map at all costs.
Arowana Mall: With the time that has past, my opinion on this level hasn't changed: I still ****ing hate this awful stage. Right off the bat you have a centerpiece that's impossible to defend or retake because to get to it, you have to fight a literal and figurative uphill battle to get to it, and that's just if you're taking the direct approach. Should you decide to take the high road, you will most likely be met with a most terrible fate of being bulldozed and the enemy will then proceed to take mid through flanking. This is all assuming, of course, they don't flank you anyway from whatever lane you're not defending. To pile on to the already abominable of map itself, I don't have that many connection issues, but of the few I've had, this map has given me the most internet BS out of any of them. Just seeing this stage show up in the Squid Sister announcements alone brings me a sense of dread. The only thing that could make this map worse would be if they put up a stupid Sniper Tower in the dead-center of the map.
{WIP}
Hammerhead Bridge: [Better with high-firing rate weapons.]
Museum D'Alfonsino: Haven't played on Turf Wars.
Mahi-Mahi Resort: [Has a sniping perch. The pits annoy me, despite not being a "newbie"]
Piranha Pit: Doesn't seem to be all that much of a pit. I don't particularly care for the conveyor belts all that much, but they do work in limiting the designers, so they can't put in as much annoying nonsense.
