How to Tell if You're a Cephalian (a Splatoon Culture Test)

[Joseph Staleknight]

After reading Mark Rosenfelder's E-Z American Culture Test, I decided to do one based on the culture present in Inkopolis and the country it's within. For the sake of brevity I've attached the complete list as a PDF, but here are some highlights relevant to the game itself:

If you're Cephalian...

• You're familiar with The Squid Sisters, Squid Beatz, Squid Squad, Hightide Era, the Chirpy Chips, the
  Golden Gobies, Squid Jump, and GitGudNami.
• You know how Turf Wars, Splat Zones and other ink sports are played. Regardless of your gender, you
  can argue intricate points about their rules and strategies.
• You don't consider insects, cats, dogs, monkeys, or guinea pigs to be food...because most of those
  don't exist, the only cat is far too important to eat, and you're wary of catching insect germs. On the
  other hand, manatees, sea pigs, non-sapient fish and kelp are fair game. You hear that grilled owl is a
  delicacy in some places, though you're hesitant to try it out.
• You don't think in terms of race so much as in terms of species—Inklings of course are the dominant
  species in Cephalia, followed by Jellyfish, Anemones, Crustaceans, and so on.
• The Great Turf War was just a war, and aside from some unfortunate tragedies early on it ended all
  right. You respect the old Cephalian army for putting an end to the October Uprising and keeping
  those devious Octarians safely away from society. No splatoon deserves more respect, however, than
  the Original Squidbeak Splatoon led by the legendary Captain Cuttlefish. They were the ones to take
  down the nefarious general D.J. Octavio.
• You like your bacon made of kelp or seaweed. Not so much of sea pigs—too greasy.
• There were some lessons about the Pre-Mollusk Era in school, but nothing notable.
• Your country was almost conquered by the Octarians, but Helix was on your side and you drove them
  away. Even now, you tend to be suspicious of them even though you know they won't be getting past
  the military any time soon.
• There's parts of the city you should avoid at night. Especially if you're under 20 and there's no
  Splatfests currently happening. A certain sea urchin will see to that.
• Squidmas is in the winter. If you worship Lord Helix, you'll attend church on Squidmas morning.
  Otherwise, there are plenty other activities to do! There's the annual Squidmas tree lighting
  ceremony in the morning. Additionally, you can share presents with your family, and lovers typically
  spend the evening snuggling each other. If Squidmas is on a Splatterday, expect a Splatfest to be
  held as well. Just be sure you've already made a reservation at the local Calamari Fried Goat the
  previous summer, though—the place tends to fill up fast!