Jeff in The Secret of the Salmonids

[jeffthesquid]

"JEFF! DIVE! RIGHT NOW!", screams Marie.

"OH MY SQUID! OH MY SQUID! THIS PLACE IS BOOBY TRAPPED! WE NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE!", screams Marie.

"But where do we go?", asks Jeff.

"I don't know but we need to find an exit. Just fly as high as you can!", instructs Marie.

"There's a green pipe ahead. Maybe it leads to a way out.", suggest Marie.

"But what about Mr. Nogami.", asks Jeff.

"He can fly and maybe he took it. Let's just get out of here! I mean it!", exclaims Marie.

 

[jeffthesquid]

Dinosaur Land

"Oh carp! Can this get any weirder?", remarks Marie.

"Where the heck are we, anyways? It looks like from that game Super Mario World that I like to play... but these stacks are actually real. I wonder what they're made of?", inquires Jeff.

"Shut up, Jeff! Don't go into the nerd cave with the other goons.", remarks Marie.

"MR NOGAMI! ARE YOU OUT HERE?", yells Marie.

"HEY, NOGAMI-SAN! WE'RE HERE, BUDDY!", yells Jeff.

"Yeah... these are weird... they're like made of some polished marble but they could very well be a natural occurrence. Who knows where we are. There might be a connection to the other world if we look hard enough.", remarks Marie.

"So what should we do next?", asks Jeff.

"You keep asking me that and I just know as much as you, come on. We need to put our heads together and think this one out. Use some of your nerd intelligence here. This mission has become so weird that I just don't know what to think anymore.", replies Marie.

"Mr. Nogami and Mr. Nogami is creating new video game inspired by our adventures. I'm calling it Splatoon 4!", exclaims Mr. Nogami.

"MR NOGAMI! YOU'RE HERE!", cries Marie.

"Yeah, Mr. Nogami rules! Where would we be without him?", cries Jeff.

"Look, guys, we're together now but we're sort of stranded here. I suggest we fly back to the pipe we came from. I don't know where we are but this is definitely not earth!", suggests Marie.

"Jeff, come on, get off that stack.", commands Marie.

"But this place is so cool. I want to build a house on this thing!", exclaims Jeff.

"JEFF! WE HAVE WORK TO DO! STOP THE NERDNESS!", yells Marie.

 

[jeffthesquid]

"What? ...a bird with a sunglasses and a dandelion on it's head? Why does a bird need to wear sunglasses? This makes no sense... who knows, maybe that red smog is making us hallucinate.", remarks Marie.

"Man, this is the life! Sure beats my boring job at Archo V!", laughs Jeff.

"JEFF! JEFF! IT'S COMING AFTER YOU! PULL UP!", yells Marie.

"Oh, carp! There's ink on me!", remarks Jeff in disgust.

"What? Ink? How is a bird spitting ink from it's mouth? Anyways, let's attack it. It will keep coming after us if we don't. JEFF SPLATOON - ATTACK!!!", commands Marie.

"Mr. Nogami wants to know what formation we should use?", asks Mr. Nogami.

"Good question - SCRAMBLED EGGS!", cries Marie.

 

[Hikarimoon]

Omg their in Mario world

 

[jeffthesquid]

Yes, I'm using references to games I like!

 

[jeffthesquid]

"WELL EXECUTED, JEFF SPLATOON... PREPARE YOUR WEAPONS!", commands Marie.

"Ok, on my mark... fire!", commands Marie.

"WAIT!", screams and unknown figure in the distance.

"What the carp? Who is that?", inquires Marie.

"It's Hillbilly Jim and that's my bird Kalamari Keith! Why would you hurt an innocent bird with his intellect?", asks Hillbilly Jim.

"HE WAS ATTACKING ONE OF MY COMRADES!", yells Marie.

"What's going on here? Why does that guy have a pitchfork?", asks Jeff.

"He's a squidneck!", replies Mr. Nogami.

"Yeah, and he has a bottle on moonshine and a bird's nest on his bike.", adds Jeff.

"Bike? Bike? What the carp is that? It looks just like those things that people were riding in Dogg World!", exclaims Marie.

 

[jeffthesquid]

"Squids! As long as you don't do anything to Kalamari Keith we're good. I'm not much of a fighter myself.", explains Hillbilly Jim.

"Why was your bird attacking us?", asks Marie.

"Oh, he's just excited about Turf War. Yeah, we here in Dinosaur Land have heard all about Turf War from Ink Dogg. We play a little bit of our own version here but enough with the formalities. Let's head over to Dome City where I live!", offers Hillbilly Jim.

"Sure. We're hungry anyways, why not?", remarks Marie.

"What do you people eat here? We're like on the mountains... or domes... or whatever these area...", asks Jeff.

"Oh, these... not sure what they are but in Dome City people live in them. Well, follow me down!", suggest Hillbilly Jim.

The Jeff Splatoon and Hillbilly Jim head down to the surface but what will they find down there?

"Mr. Nogami, your Nerd Punch is out!", exclaims Marie.

"Oh, Mr. Nogami sorry. He not mean to attack anyone!", exclaims Mr. Nogami.

"Yep, this is my home... well, close to it. You see the beauty of this place! I could just play my banjo right now!", exclaims Hillbilly Jim.

"Wait! You said there are dinosaurs here?", asks Jeff.

"Yep, not too many different species but they do exist.", explains Hillbilly Jim.

"This is kind of like Super Mario World but real!", remarks Jeff.

"Super... what?", asks Hillbilly Jim.

"Some video game that Jeff plays.", replies Marie.

"Video game? ...oh, yes, electronic games. I don't play them much. Just too much to do here. I mean, look at this place. How can you not find things to do here?", remarks Hillbilly Jim.

"Mr. Nogami is fascinated. He will make a new video game called Splatoon World!", exclaims Mr. Nogami.

 

[jeffthesquid]

After a few hours of flying and riding night begin to fall on the Jeff Splatoon and the mysterious Hog rider.

"Beautiful! I've never seen a sky so clear and full of stars. The air is also so clean here.", remarks Marie.

"Why are there so many rocks here. When we started there were just a few jutting rocks but now it's all rocks. What the carp?", asks Jeff.

"Oh, you're in Hog country now. We Hogs love rock crawling. In fact, you must be able to ride on these rocks with a modified bike. This one is a half Hog but a full Hog, like you'll see in Dome City is the real deal. Those can crawl on anything - even over logs!", explains Hillbilly Jim.

"...interesting. So you know a little bit about us... I mean our species.", inquires Marie.

"Yeah, you're Inklings - from earth. Ink Dogg goes to earth and he comes here too. He told me all about you people!", replies Hillbilly Jim.

"We're not on earth, right?", asks Marie.

"No, earth is another universe. This universe if called... well, I don't know what it's called... but this island is called Dinosaur Land.", replies Hillbilly Jim.

"Are you humans?", asks Marie.

"No, we heard about them. We're called Hogs. Well, at least that's what we call ourselves. Before that we were called cave people. Yeah, heard about humans in your world. They're really... tall... and extinct.", remarks Hillbilly Jim.

"What can you tell us about Ink Dogg.", asks Marie.

"Ink Dogg is generally a good guy, but, lately, I think he's been going after a somewhat far-fetched dream. See, he as a dream of becoming the Dogg Father.", explains Hillbilly Jim.

"The Dogg Father? What is that?", asks Jeff.

"The Dogg Father is a person who rules the Dogg Empire. Basically, the Dogg Empire is the Dogg World plus other universes, well, it expands laterally into other universes.", explains Hillbilly Jim.

"Well, the Dogg Father is a crazy idea but, lately, from what I've heard Ink Dogg wants to take control of Dogg World and other universes as well. My guess is that y'all came from the Dogg World. Yeah, there are many pipes leading here but I've never had the courage to take them.", explains Hillbilly Jim.

"If he can open portals, which those pipes clearly are, he must know some magic!", exclaims Marie.

"Oh, yes, I've seen him bend pipes only with his mind. He can open portals to different universes through them and he's the only one who can do that but his powers end there. His other power is that he is very intelligent as are the Dogg people in general.", explains Hillbilly Jim.

"Wow! Fascinating. How do we defeat him?", asks Jeff.

"Jeff! That's not an appropriate question to ask. Be mindful!", says Marie.

"Hmm... defeat him. Well, he knows magic but he's no stronger than anyone else, physically. His real strength is his ability to think quick but the main issue is he can pick up on technology real quick - anything he sees he can build.", replies Hillbilly Jim.

"So, he's that smart? And calculating...", remarks Jeff.

"Yeah, he's a huge nerd. Recently, from what I heard. He learned programming just by watching a guy through the window of a place called... what was the name... oh yeah, Archo V Games... man, what a weird name. He said the guy had just started and was build a game called Squid Jump-", explains Hillbilly Jim.

"Squid Jump! Hey! That was me but I met Ink Dogg years after that! How the heck?", exclaims Jeff.

"Yeah, he can travel through time to any time but in the Dogg World you can do that. There is no time there and if you can open a portal you can travel not only where but when... it's weird.", explains Hillbilly Jim.

"Hillbilly, can we call you that?", asks Marie.

"Sure. I like it!", replies Hillbilly Jim.

"How do you know Inklish. How can you speak our language?", asks Marie.

"Ink Dogg taught it to me and the rest of us Hogs. He told us to keep the knowledge in our back pockets in case we meet Inklings... well, I'm glad I did. You are lovely people!", remarks Hillbilly Jim.

"How does your language sound?", asks Jeff.

"Oh... like this - Oooga Booga Oooga Oooga - I said, Hi Jeff, what are you doing today?", remarks Hillbilly Jim.

"You said all that sounding like a caveman?", laughs Jeff.

"Yep.", replies Hillbilly Jim.

"Wow! Ok, so can you tell us about Salmonids? Do you know what they are?", asks Marie.

"Oh yeah! They're sentient fish but I think they're pretty low in intelligence. Whatever you've been told about them in the Dogg World is wrong. They're from here. And I MEAN here! Like Dinosaur Land.", explains Hillbilly Jim.

"Really... how did they get to our world, then?", asks Marie.

"I can't answer that one but what I can tell you is that Ink Dogg recruits them to go to the Dogg World. From there they are sent out to steal stuff for the Dogg people. Dogg people love trinkets and other jewelry. I mean the bikes they ride there came from us... well, we're transitioning to the newer models so they took our older ones.", explains Hillbilly Jim.

"That's fascinating. So they're used by the Dogg people as thieves.", inquires Marie.

"Yeah, pretty much. The reason is that there are many of them, and I mean MANY! You should see Soda Lake. Well, I'll take you there when we go to the city.", explains Hillbilly Jim.

"Squawk! Inkopolis is were I'm from.", remarks Kalamari Keith.

"Oh... he can talk.", remarks Marie.

"Yes, and he understands conversation. And, yes, Kalamari Keith is from your world. He was originally brown but he turned blue after eating some of the berries here.", explains Hillbilly Jim.

"Wow! These past days have been... really... intense. I'm just trying to plan the next move. See, we came to the Dogg World after following Ink Dogg, then he sucked us into his world.", explains Marie.

"Whoa! You must have angered him for him to do that!", exclaims Hillbilly Jim.

"Yeah... we sure did... the real reason we went after him was our suspicion that he is connected with the Salmonids. We wanted to see where the Salmonids were coming from so we went to the pier of our city, Splatsville. Well, we found him coming out of a pipe with Salmonids.", explains Marie.

"Yep, he leads some of the big ones over there - the Cohocks. They're big fellas.", remarks Hillbilly Jim.

"But then he disappeared into the pipe with the Salmonids.", explains Marie.

'Yep, he probably saw you people.", remarks Hillbilly Jim.

"So we went to fight him and ended up in Dogg World. We then talked to a few of the residents there and they told us to look for lights because that's were he parties but then we went inside these strange buildings and went thought a pipe and ended up here!", explains Marie.

"Hmm... a house... there is a strange house in Dinosaur Land. It's supposedly haunted but my friend, Bootlegger Johnson, said it's a portal to the Dogg World.", explains Hillbilly Jim.

"Wait! Marie, did you tell him that we saw the pipe disappear?", adds Jeff.

"Oh, yes, Ink Dogg does usually close up portals, so, yes, pipes do disappear!", explains Hillbilly Jim.

"Thanks for all the info on Ink Dogg. We're trying to save our city from the Salmonid invasion. We know Ink Dogg is behind it and we need to do something.", explains Marie.

"He's basically, trying to take over - good luck stopping that because you can't! He's too intelligent and resourceful to be defeated.", explains Hillbilly Jim.

"Really? No, we can't be wasting our time! No... we just can't!", cries Marie.

"Yeah, I hear ya but the best thing in life is just to negotiate peacefully if you can.", suggests Hillbilly Jim.

"Man, that sucks! We can't give up like that. I mean Mr. Nogami and I are geeks. We can come up with something!", exclaims Jeff.

"Huh, geeks! Well, if you can fight you may stand a chance. It would be your intelligence that would prevail.", says Hillbilly Jim.

"Very true! Anyways, we should all get some sleep. By the way, why is it taking us so long to get to Dome City?", asks Marie.

"Oh, we had to go around Soda Lake - it's behind the mountains.", explains Hillbilly Jim.

"Ah, I see. Ok, y'all good night!", remarks Marie.

"Sleep well, y'all.", remarks Hillbilly Jim.

"Mr. Nogami! Quit playing video games and get some sleep!", commands Marie.

 

[jeffthesquid]

"Well, y'all, we're in Dome City!", exclaims Hillbilly Jim.

"Uhh... how is this Dome City? Where are the domes?", asks Marie.

"Oh, yeah, I was joking about people living in those. This is called Dome City because we're relatively close to them!", explains Hillbilly Jim.

"Yeah, doesn't look much like what I pictured but the architecture is... interesting.", remarks Jeff.

"Hillbilly, what are those things with doors and how do you get up and down the balconies?", asks Mr. Nogami.

"Oh, there are pull down ramps. We can ride our bikes up them and the doors lead to apartments - that's where we live!", explains Hillbilly Jim.

"Do you have internet?", asks Jeff.

"Yeah, Ink Dogg introduced us to the Hydrogen Router and we build a network - here in the city!", explains Hillbilly Jim.

"Guys, we can ask questions all day but we need to find that house you were talking about... the one with the portal.", explains Marie.

"Oh, yes, let me introduce y'all to the rest of the Hogs.", remarks Hillbilly Jim.

"Well, Porkchop Rex is here. It looks like he's picking some berries to make a pie.", exclaims Hillbilly Jim.

"Wait... why are you all dressed like clowns? Is this some kind of joke?", asks Marie.

"Oh, no, Ink Dogg gave us these clothes. I think they look cool.", remarks Hillbilly Jim.

"Yep, Ink Dogg also gave us these laptops as well. I couldn't go a day without recording myself making pies and throwing them!", exclaims Porkchop Rex.

"Who gave you the bikes?", asks Jeff.

"Oh, we invented them. Ink Dogg got the idea from us and now they're popular in Dogg World!", remarks Porkchop Rex.

"These clothes are too bright... Mr. Nogami thinks they're bad for hunting...", remarks Mr. Nogami.

"No, we're vegetarians. All we eat are mulberries and eggs - that's literally it!", explains Hillbilly Jim.

"Uh... we also eat kale, Hillbilly Jim.", adds Porkchop Rex.

"Well, let me take you over to Bootlegger Johnson. He knows about the mysterious haunted house.", remarks Hillbilly Jim.

"I don't know if that's a good idea. Bootlegger Johnson is constructing a new building. We should leave him alone.", remarks Porkchop Rex.

 

[jeffthesquid]

"Wow! Now I've seen everything! So you're using branches to and bending them to make the buildings... and the door?", asks Marie.

"Oh, those are made from branches that I but in half lengthwise.", explains Bootlegger Johnson.

"Oh yeah, that big guy over there with the pipe is Bootlegger Johnson. He's really strong and is in charge of the building operations here at Dome City.", explains Hillbilly Jim.

"What's with the big pipe he's carrying?", asks Marie.

"Oh, that's his watermelon gun. He shoots watermelons out of it and propels them with firecrackers.", explains Hillbilly Jim.

"Firecrackers? How did you get those? And the pipes?", asks Marie.

"Well, the story is that Ink Dogg gave us a whole bunch of supplies to build a city for our new bikes in exchange for Salmonids which we captured.", explains Bootlegger Johnson.

"Ok... but something doesn't add up. So you invented the bikes? Right?", asks Marie.

"Yep... well, we got mountain bikes from Ink Dogg and added all this wood.", replies Hillbilly Jim.

"Oh, I see. He's using you guys to get Salmonids to release in our city... if we could only pay you more or reward you with something to help up overthrow Ink Dogg...", suggest Marie.

"So you guys are the Trail Hogs? Well, you could come live in our city!", suggests Jeff.

Jeff shows Hillbilly Jim and Bootlegger Johnson pictures of Inkopolis.

"Whoa! That gray bowl looks cool.", remarks Hillbilly Jim.

"It's called concrete - like what in Dogg World.", explains Jeff.

"Oh, we could ride our bikes there!", exclaims Bootlegger Johnson.

"We also have Turf War as well.", adds Marie.

"Damn! But we have something similar. It's quite fun!", remarks Hillbilly Jim.

"Whoa! Who's that handsome fella?", inquires Marie.

"Oh, that's just Cousin Jorge. He likes to dress like a professor.", explain Bootlegger Johnson.

"Hey dude! What's app?", remarks Cousin Jorge.

"Whoa! Do you know how to program?", asks Jeff.

"Yeah, dude! I can program in full ANSI C. I program robotic stuff.", answers Cousin Jorge.

"Well, if y'all have some time we'd like to test your fighting skills and challenge you to a game of Platformisis.", remarks Hillbilly Jim.

"Mr. Nogami is very excited about putting our Turf War skills against and unknown sport!", exclaims Mr. Nogami.

"Cousin Jorge, how can you ride your bike without holding the handlebar?", asks Marie.

"Magic, dude!", answers Jeff.

"First of all, I'm not a dude - I'm a lady. Please call me by name.", insists Marie.

"Oh, sheet! I'm being scolded!", exclaims Cousin Jorge.

"Whatever... fine, we'll challenge you Hogs but can you explain the rules?", asks Marie.

"Sheet! We need to go to Soda Lake!", explains Cousin Jorge.

 

[jeffthesquid]

On the way to Soda Lake the group encounter a strange creature.

"Oh my squid! What is that thing?", asks Marie.

"Sheet! It's a Rex.", remarks Cousin Jorge.

"He's cute but we need to be careful with this creature. He appears to be carrying a spear of some sort.", remarks Marie.

"Mr. Nogami wonders why Porkchop Rex doesn't throw a pie at the group.", asks Mr. Nogami.

"It's probably better to stay away from these guys... they look like bikers and are probably mean.", explains Porkchop Rex.

"You mean they form gangs?", asks Marie.

"Yeah, and big ones! We're probably in the middle of one now!", remarks Porkchop Rex.

"Yeah... there are a lot of Rexes here. What should be do Cousin Jorge?", asks Hillbilly Jim.

"Sheet, man! We should definitely avoid the Piranha Plants and attack the Rexes with our Hogs. Marie, Jeff, or Mr. Nogami. Can you fly up and grab that watermelon for Bootlegger Johnson?", asks Cousin Jorge.

"Sure.", replies Marie.

"Dude? What is with these potted plants?", asks Jeff.

"Oh, those are Piranha Plants.", replies Hillbilly Jim.

"You mean, for real?", asks Jeff.

"Yeah, definitely. We always try to avoid them but areas like this are just hazardous.", explains Porkchop Rex.

"Well, let's go everyone! Don't let those guys put sticks in your wheels!", exclaims Hillbilly Jim.

"Oh sheet!", cries Cousin Jorge as he is flipped over.

"See, I told you they try to put sticks in your wheels.", remarks Hillbilly Jim.

"Wow! They smile but they seem to be aggressive.", comments Marie.

"Get back up on your Hog, Cousin Jorge!", exclaims Bootlegger Johnson.

 

[jeffthesquid]

"Hey! Everyone! Quit goofing off! We need to get to Soda Lake.", explains Marie.

"Jeff! Grab the watermelon. I could use it!", exclaims Bootlegger Johnson.

"Come on, Hogs! Let's get it together!", exclaims Bootlegger Johnson.

"Yeah! Let's kick some dinosaur tail!", exclaims Jeff.

"Yeah! Take that!", exclaims Bootlegger Johnson.

"Hey! Some weird blocks appeared out of nowhere! There appears to be something on it. What is it?", asks Marie.

"Oh, that's a Power Moon. Yeah, give it to Cousin Jorge. It'll perk him up!", explains Porkchop Rex.

"Sheet, dude! I'm good as new. Thanks for the power moon, Marie.", remarks Cousin Jorge.

"Anytime! Hey, since you are good why not get ride of the rest of the Rexes.", remarks Marie.

"Cousin Jorge - GO FOR IT! STOMP EM!", yells everyone.

"YEAH COUSIN JORGE! KICK EM!", yells everyone!

"Take that! Put a stick in my wheel that's what you get beech!", exclaims Cousin Jorge.

"Yeah, Cousin Jorge be riding that Hog like a surfboard!", exclaims Hillbilly Jim.

 

[jeffthesquid]

"Whoa! This is cool! Soda Lake is so big and clear!", exclaims Jeff.

"Y'all want to rest a bit or shall we proceed with the battle?", asks Hillbilly Jim.

"Mr. Nogami interested in rules of Platformisis.", exclaims Mr. Nogami.

"Let's rest a bit... this is beautiful... except for those platforms.", remarks Marie.

"You said something about the Salmonids originating from here.", asks Jeff.

"Yes. This is where they lived. One day a mysterious pipe appeared in the water and some weird creature came out and took a Salmonid with him... he appeared to be male, I guess.", answers Hillbilly Jim.

"So he snatched Salmonids?", asks Marie.

"Well, it's not that easy. They're not that dumb. Try to get another one they hide. They figure you out quick. That where the created, who is now known as Ink Dogg, recruited us for help since we steal their eggs.", explains Hillbilly Jim.

"You steal their eggs? For what?", asks Marie.

"Oh, we eat them.", answers Hillbilly Jim.

"I see. So tell us more...", requests Marie.

"Sure. In exchange for capturing Salmonids from this lake we were given bikes, wood, and tools. We built what we always wanted to build - a city. Well, with out fast and furious lifestyles that came with our bikes the city was perfect. So we named it after the domes and called it Dome City.", explains Hillbilly Jim.

"Oh, that's interesting. It makes sense that Salmonids would come from here - clean water, abundant food, and little to disturb them.", remarks Marie.

"How did they come to our world?", asks Jeff.

"That, I can't answer. It could be that Ink Dogg took them to his world and then sent them to yours.", answers Hillbilly Jim.

"Is there a way to get to his world from here?", asks Marie.

"Yes, there a house in the Forest of Illusion but navigating that place is difficult.", replies Hillbilly Jim.

"How so?", asks Marie.

"Well, first we must swim across Soda Lake.", replies Hillbilly Jim.

"Hmm... swim, ok.", remarks Marie.

"Don't we dissolve in lakes?", asks Mr. Nogami.

"Mr. Nogami, when was the last time you took a shower?", asks Marie.

"Oh, a few weeks ago.", answers Mr. Nogami.

"Ok, did you dissolve?", asks Marie.

"No!", exclaims Mr. Nogami.

"Well, there you have it. We can go in water like any other life form. The dissolve thing is a dumb myth. It just spread because most Inkling don't know how to swim in deep water.", explains Marie.

"Can y'all swim?", asks Hillbilly Jim.

"I can. Don't know about those two.", answers Marie.

"I can swim on my back.", replies Jeff.

"That's not good. We'll need to dive to avoid the Torpedo Teds.", explains Hillbilly Jim.

"Wait, oh carp... can you two hold your breaths?", asks Marie.

"Sure.", answers Jeff and Mr. Nogami.

"Tell you what, we hogs swim with our bikes so those two can grab on to them.", suggests Hillbilly Jim.

 

[jeffthesquid]

"Hey, let's go to the forest but not after challenging you people to a turf war.", suggests Hillbilly Jim.

"Sure.", remarks Marie.

"So where do we fight?", asks Jeff.

"Well, we fight on these platforms over there.", explains Hillbilly Jim.

 

[Bennet]

this is better than all my crude jokes that I like to share

 

[jeffthesquid]

(Thanks! I love making this story!)

 

[Bennet]

(really wish that my Octoling in-game was in this)