need help cleaning up and refining my FanFic

[Zerul]

as i stated in the fanfic im not that good at it. its my second attempt at a fanfic. the first was a lost project that was dont far diffrently.

I would love any and all feedback to help me improve what i have and help me make additions to the story with less flaws.

http://squidboards.com/threads/unamed-story.14339/

there is the link to it. Please help out a fellow Inkling.

 

[Zerul]

is no one going to help me out?

 

[Rustic]

To be honest, if you need to do it.
Give it a name, doesn't matter how basic it sounds. Just something memorable.

A few days later all the Zap fish were returned by the mysterious Agents 1,2,Orange, and Blue.

"A few days later, all the Zapfish were returned the by the mysterious Agent 3. Orange, a field operative of the New Squidbeak Splatoon, and Blue, another field operative"
Use proper wording and grammar.
If you're having trouble detecting mistakes, you could always get an editor to see what you cannot. They come in handy for everyone.

Use stuff like apostrophes like these ' and commas [,]. You're making run-on sentences and funky words

Also Agents 1 and 2 are, continue if you dare.

Spoiler: Story Spoilers

Callie and Marie

You play as Agent 3 (or 4 in this case).

*EDIT*
You could also stop capitalizing certain words, along with some spelling errors. I'm not sure if you have the same qualities mine does, but your computer should be capable of detecting spelling errors.

Don't repeat stuff as well, big example found below.

suddenly two agents showed up. Agents 1 and 2 showed up, and subdued them.

Oh, and try to keep the violence to a low, don't get too into it.

Is that good enough for you? I hope so. If not, you can ask some more specific questions.

 

[Zerul]

i am fully aware of Agent 1 and 2 and hint at it / EXPOSE it in the fanfic. as for agent orange and blue they both are agent 3 male and female (wanted to be fair to both genders)

and which programs where you talking about? i dont know of any that help with grammer.

also i cant edit title. didn't realize it till it was too late.

 

[Rustic]

and which programs where you talking about? i dont know of any that help with grammer.

None help with grammar that well, I'm afraid. Last time I checked an editor (real person) isn't a program.

Aside from that it's solid.

 

[Zerul]

so its just grammer mistakes? well thats actually helpful knowing that my only issue is grammer. usually people screw me on spelling even though spellchecker says AOK and doesn't tip me off

 

[Rustic]

Yes, but it's not jarring or major. That's pretty much it. If you don't have an editor, you could probably detect it by murmuring it to yourself as you type/write. It always helped me, maybe it could help you out?

Spoiler

plzno grammanaazi

 

[Zerul]

i guess all i can do is try....oh wait...yoda "Do or Do Not there is no Try"...well i will give a once over here and there and see if i can find it.

 

[Zerul]

ok i have made my first pass...did i hit the worst of it?

 

[Rustic]

You're getting there, but keep chipping away it and you'll improve. :)

 

[Zerul]

Ty kindly Rustic. now to keep adding onto the story. since i get the gets of my errors are just mostly grammer.

 

[Zerul]

Just broke through the charecter limit of my third post. this is getting long, and i still have more to add....i feel like my mind is excapeing me at this point