lonelyrollingsquid
Inkster Jr.
- Joined
- Jun 27, 2015
- Messages
- 31
- NNID
- Selfcat
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Also, I feel like... the pacing is a little off?She beamed as she heard her teammate shout the compliment before she turned her attention back to reclaiming the oranged turf. She grinned when another unknowing orange inkling walked into her fire and was sent back to the nearby spawn.
She had got this game in the bag. She had been matched up with a co-operative team and with two whole minutes still on the clock, had already boxed the opponents into their spawn. From the way things were going, there was absolutely nothing that would prevent them from sweet victory. She felt on top of the world.
On the the other hand, the emptiness after the match is described so briefly that it's harder to imagine how Jay must be feeling, though reading it over she's obviously left feeling a mix of emotions....and soon she was gone, leaving Jay alone in the empty turf war lobby.
Through the glass doors of the foyer she could see that the sun was beginning to set and realized it was probably time for her to leave as well.
:D Awesome!Dude thanks for all the feedback! Also I'd love for you to be my editor. I kind of struggle with placing my finger on things that are off or missing from my writing.