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Not What it Seems: Splatoon Fanfiction

Discussion in 'Original Content' started by ThatSquidYouKnow, Jul 25, 2015.

  1. ThatSquidYouKnow

    ThatSquidYouKnow Inkling Commander

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    I saw a few other fan fictions on the forums and decided to take a shot at one, this is my first fan fiction, so any criticism is welcome. SO, let's begin!
    "Sorry, you have to go."

    "But MOM!"

    "Quiet! We can't let them hear us!

    "Who mom?

    "Go! Get on the train now!"

    "MOM!!!"

    On the train, I wondered why mom wanted to get rid of me. She acted quite odd about the whole thing, as if she did something wrong. I wondered if I would ever see her again... "Now arriving at Booyah Base." said the announcer through a speaker. I hopped out of my chair. When I got off of the train I saw a remarkable sight. I saw the Inkopolis Tower, the famous icon of Inkopolis, I saw the Battle Dojo, where many famous Inklings got their start. "Just like in the textbooks," I said to myself...". I began looking for my Guardian, Uncle Cuttlefish. I had a sister and a cousin, but they were too famous to know I even existed. I found him hiding under a grate. I wondered what he was doing and followed him in.
    "Report for duty Agent 3!"

    "Huh?" I thought to myself. I knew he was always a little weird, but this, THIS was REALLY WEIRD.

    "Um, hi?" I said to him.

    "Who are you!", he barked at me.

    "Um, your nephew, Inkarus."

    "Oh, so you're my new recruit!"

    "What?" I said.

    "I said you're my knew recruit!" He yelled as loud as he could.

    "No, I heard you but Mom didn't say anything about this..."

    "I know she didn't, because she knew you'd starfish out!"

    "What!?"

    "You work for me know." And stop saying what. If you can't speak Inkling, I'm sorry."

    "Um, so who are Agents 1 and 2?"

    "Sorry, I can't tell you that."

    "Okay."

    "Finally you understand something" Cuttlefish said, "Maybe we're not hopeless after all..."
     
    #1 ThatSquidYouKnow, Jul 25, 2015
    Last edited: Jul 25, 2015
    TheDerp, Rustic and Topazrekerboy like this.
  2. ThatSquidYouKnow

    ThatSquidYouKnow Inkling Commander

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    Okay, so I got bored and wrote a new chapter to flesh out the story so you can actually talk about something. Okay, here we go...
    "What do you mean?" I said.

    "Come back here tonight sonny, and I'll tell ya." Cuttlefish blurted.

    "All right," I said while exiting through the gate.
    As I arrived in Inkopolis, I decided to go shopping. I entered the weapon shop, where the shop owner, Sheldon, greeted me.
    "Hi", I said,"Is it legal to sell weapons? Cause it sure doesn-"

    "You mean you don't know what these weapons are for?!"

    "No, no, I know what they're for. Robberies right?"

    He sighed, listen kid, go do some battles and come back later."

    "Battles?"

    "Go talk to Judd, alright?"

    "Who's Judd?"

    "He's a furry white cat okay???"

    "Got it."

    I saw the cat sleeping on an old crate.
    "Hi, are you Judd?" I asked.

    "Meow"

    Of course, I thought to myself, he's a cat.
    " I need directions" I told him.
    The other Inklings looked at me strangely.

    "Meow" he said while pointing with his tail to Inkopolis Tower.

    "I have to go there?"

    "Meow"

    "Are you sure?"

    "Meow"

    "Okay."

    I entered the tower and a tablet of some sorts appeared in my hands. Join battle, I chose.
    "Please enter squid form" said a voice. I did.
    A few seconds later, I reappeared in a Skatepark of sorts. Everyone was holding a weapon except for me. My hair had changed color to orange and there were three other inklings with their hair the same color. There were 4 others who were blue.

    "Hey Biff!" said an orange.

    "What?" said the Inkling I assumed to be Biff.

    "Looks like we got an unfresh loser on our team!"

    "Cut him some slack Mary, he might be good."

    "He doesn't even have a weapon!" said the third orange.

    "Listen kid," said Biff," You're on our team, whether you like it or not, so here's a Splattershot, and make yourself useful. I might even make you a member of our squad."

    "Thank you sir," I said shakily.

    "Here we go" said Mary.

    I heard a loud clang and everyone began firing their weapons. I began firing all over the place. I turned into a squid and swam in my ink. I then arrived at a tower in the middle of the Skatepark. When I arrived at the top a blue greeted me with a roller. He took me down. I respawned at the base, "So that's how it works," I thought.
    "Take the tower!" Mary shouted. "I can take 'em out from there with my charger!". I climbed back up the tower, but this time, I threw a splat bomb. It splatted all of the blue Inklings on the tower.
    "Nice work rookie!', said Biff, "But don't get too many ideas!"

    "There's 30 seconds left BIff!" yelled the 3rd orange.

    "Okay,"Biff yelled,"Wiggin, take the middle with your roller!"

    "Got it Biff," said the third orange whose name was apparently Wiggin."

    "Mary, you take 'em out and make sure they don''t get our base!"

    "Already on it," said Mary.

    "The kid and I will push forward, go!"

    We yelled a war dry and pushed into their base. RIght before the battle ended, I threw a splat bomb. Judd came walking in. He declared us the winners. There was a lot of cheering.
    "Good work kid,"said Biff,"I never got your name, what is it?"

    "Inkarus," I said.

    "Good work," said Biff,"You're one of us now."
     
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  3. ThatSquidYouKnow

    ThatSquidYouKnow Inkling Commander

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    Time for chapter 2. It's complete now. ;)

    I remembered what Cuttlefish had said, and I blurted something out to Biff and the others before super jumping to the manhole.
    "What did he say?" said Biff.

    "I dunno." said Wiggin.

    "He's weird" said Mary.

    "He's, um, unique. I feel it in my tentacles." said Biff.
    As I arrived underground, I heard a loud yell. "They're COMING!"

    "Oh, not this again," I thought to myself.

    "The Octarians, I seen it, I've seen them!"

    "Octarians?" I said.

    "And you call yourself an Inkling." he said, "Time for a little history lesson. When you came here, I had a few doubts about you, but when I met you in person, I saw hope. I saw a chance for survival. In case you haven't noticed, the Great Zapfish is gone, and so are all the other Zapfish. We're running on emergency power from the previous civilization that lived here, humans. Terrible creatures, used to hunt us for sport. Anyways, that power won't last forever. And the dome down here has been falling apart. In the Great Turf War, which I fought in, mind you, the Octolings retreated underground using emergency power, but now that power is gone, their civilization is falling apart, and they refuse to give up the Zapfish. So I need you, and Agents 1 and 2 to stop them.Together, you are the Squidbeak Splatoon."


    "Okay," I said to myself, "At least you said a whole sentence witho-"

    "Now suit up recruit!"

    "Never mind," I said.

    As I put the suit on and looked at myself in the mirror I said, "You want me to wear THIS?"

    "What, it's not 'in fashion'?" Cuttlefish said, "You'll thank me when you're famous: 'Agent 3 beats Octolings, Our Hero' I can see the headlines already. Plus, you get to see your cousins!"

    "Callie and Marie?!" I asked excitedly.

    Cuttlefish, seizing the chance said "Oh, yes they know you exist. They talk about you all the time, and despise you. 'Uh, why is our cousin so untalented?' 'Yeah, I know, at least he could be good at something.' "

    I don't even know why I fell for it, but I did. I exploded with anger, and put on the suit.
    "Alright, what do I have to do?"

    I went inside a teapot, and it transported me somewhere. I saw odd purple ink, and a green swirl in front of me.
    "Over to you Agent 3!" I heard a voice say. I supposed it was Cuttlefish, who installed a speaker in the headset.
    "Launchpad ahoy!" he said. I became a squid on the pad, and super jumped to another location.
    "Here we go." I said, "Here we go."
     
    #3 ThatSquidYouKnow, Aug 7, 2015
    Last edited: Aug 8, 2015
  4. Rustic

    Rustic Inkling Commander

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    Good read, you have nice pacing with it. I'm going to start off with critique :confused:
    • The characters feel a little off especially with Sheldon
    • I felt as though he was too gruff, which was change from his usual eccentric behaviour
    • There were a few spelling and punctuation errors
    That was all the negatives time for the positives! ;)
    • Cap'n Cuttlefish and obviously Judd were spot on to their characters
    • You introduced Inkarus's new team nicely
    • The explanation for Inkarus was good in the Prologue and didn't drag on
    • Chapters are sweet and short [although that could be taken as a negative!]
    • The characters though seen briefly, could develop into really like-able supporting/deuteragonist characters.
    Its quite good I rate you 3.5/5! Good but could do a little better. You could always proof read your chapters prior to posting too, just to root out any mistakes or flesh out the story!
     
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  5. ThatSquidYouKnow

    ThatSquidYouKnow Inkling Commander

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    Thanks for the response. I'll try to fix the problems. Also, I make a lot of errors, I'm not the best at grammar, so I'll work on it. Thanks again! Edit: Chapter 2 is now complete
     
  6. Shock "Charger Queen"

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    Why do Callie and Marie despise Inkarus?
     
  7. ThatSquidYouKnow

    ThatSquidYouKnow Inkling Commander

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    They don't, they don't know that he exists.
     
  8. Shock "Charger Queen"

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    In Chapter 2, cuttlefish said, "...They talk about you all the time, and despise you." I may just be getting confused though.
     
  9. ThatSquidYouKnow

    ThatSquidYouKnow Inkling Commander

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    Cuttlefish is using Inkarus, making him mad in order to get his help. I guess I didn't clarify that much.
     
  10. Shock "Charger Queen"

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    That makes more sense.
     
  11. EclipseMT

    EclipseMT Full Squid

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    Something very bad will lead to Icarus's downfall.
     
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