The Adventures of Jeff in Splatoon

[jeffthesquid]

Jeff Creates a Lab

Jeff decides that he is indeed going to be a meme but for now he's preparing for the upcoming Splatfest and boy does he want to dominate the whole Splatfest. Using his nerd intelligence he decides that he will engineer the cape glider once more to allow it to fly higher and have more control over the glider even allowing it to come to a stop in mid air.

Jeff decides to go into hiding and therefore makes the trip back to Inkopolis even taking his house with him!

"Well, I'm here but I need to find a good place to build my house. Hmm... there could be a place near Blackbelly Skatepark."

So Jeff goes to Blackbelly Skatepark and builds his house in a park behind it.

"Sweet! I'm going to love it here and I can skate anytime I'm board. Thanks Mr. Taxi.", exclaims Jeff.

"My name is Earl.", replies the taxi driver.

"Ok, so now I need a shop or something to secretly build it invention.", exclaims Jeff.

Jeff then decides to use his house building knowledge to build a nerd shop.

"Well, it looks like Jeff Lab is open for business!", exclaims Jeff after having completed an odd structure that resembles his own name.

"Ok, let's rebuild the cape glider."

"Well, let's see... I need some PVC pipe. I can get that from the F door where I stash all this awesome carp! I can't believe I found this workbench sitting outside of Sheldon's shop!"

So Jeff goes to work on making a new frame for the glider. He takes into account the fact that the air flow needs to be slowed and the glider needs to trap more air to provide more lift.

"So it's got a turtle-shell shape to it but this should definitely work. I just need to add the ropes and the plastic."

 

[jeffthesquid]

"Yessss! Now it just needs the cloth and I'm going with the color navy because it is different from Super Mario. I'm just tired of being called that by the local squids."

"Yeah, it's done. Now it's time to get suited up!"

"Man, this is life. Now I'm definitely going for a flight!"

With that Jeff exits his lab.

 

[jeffthesquid]

Jeff's Cape v 2.0

Jeff first flies over Blackbelly Skatepark.

"No way squids play basketball. I thought it was a rare sport... well, I learned something here!"

"Whoa! If you dive and pull up quickly you can actually fly higher... that's got to be something new in hand gliding. Maybe I can fly to the top of Inkopolis!"

"Wow! I must be over 100 feet up. Let's see who I can blast from here!"

"What the heck is that all the way up there?", says a female Inkling.

"He must be more than 200 feet up... hmm... I have personally never seen anyone fly that high.", says a male Octoling.

"Yeah, that jerk is firing a glove at us... Let's get him when he finishes his flight!", says a male Inkling.

 

[jeffthesquid]

Jeff Joins the Squid Sisters

The next morning Jeff is on the plaza playing video games on the large screen.

"What's your name?", asks Marie.

"It's Jeff.", answers Jeff.

"Ok, Jeff. I don't have a problem with you playing video games but can you not do it on the large screen? How on earth did you even manage to hack the screen? I lock the studio when I'm out.", inquires Marie.

"Oh, it's easy... I send a drone in there to unlock the door when you're out.", answers Jeff.

"Ok... can you turn off the game I need to do a broadcast?", asks Marie.

"No way! Your broadcasts are so scripted and boring. Besides, this game is going to be popular.", remarks Jeff.

"... It looks like you put yourself in the game... is that an Archo V thing?", asks Marie.

"Yes, I work at Archo V Games. In fact I'm the senior developer!", replies Jeff.

"Hmm... we get a lot of sponsoring from them. Well, if you do really work at Archo V then I should be able to call your boss and verify you work there.", replies Marie.

Marie then gives Archo V Games a call.

"... Hello, so there's this guy with a fly fishing hat and a feather... a blue shirt... and a big smirk on his face... oh... it's Jeff... then he does work there... What??? I have to have him in the broadcast... why? If I don't advertise his game or have him on the broadcast you're pulling your funding? ...what will he be doing on the show? ...oh, I see announcing the games you produce... ok.", answers Marie

"Ok, I have to let you on the show. You'll be advertising the games...", replies Marie.

"Sweet!", answers Jeff.

 

[jeffthesquid]

"Hello squids! So we're live here from Inkopolis with the beloved Squid Sisters."

"Currently, we have a new game coming out from Archo V Games itself! We think Jeff and his team at Archo V Games for bringing this happiness into our lives."

"With that Stay Fresh... and Stay Jeff!", remarks Jeff.

"Ok... cut...", says the producer.

"Well, that was odd...", replies Marie.

"He's a nerd. Doesn't know any better.", remarks Callie.

"If you think that's weird you should know that I made a glider similar to that cape on the screen.", adds Jeff.

"Oh we know. It seems you couldn't keep yourself from firing your weapon on the plaza... please keep that energy to the arena.", remarks Marie.

"Hey! I was just wondering if I could recruit a team of caped squids into turf war.", asks Jeff.

"No... no... if everyone can fly they turf war would no longer be turf war... it would be something else.", answers Marie.

"Actually, that would make Splatfest very interesting... ground guys vs caped guys.", adds Callie.

"It's pretty obvious who would win. I heard all about the caped dude from Splatsville and how he built a house on the plaza. Yeah, entire teams could not take him on and the rest of his team only had to ink the ground. It's quite obvious that caped guys - even one have a major advantage over ground guys.", remarks Marie.

"Can I have my own arena?", asks Jeff.

"No, no, I don't want a cult of caped people and I'm not managing those kinds of battles.", answers Marie.

"But can't Shiver fly?", asks Jeff.

"No! That's a poncho - not a cape... oh carp... don't give her ideas. She's already crazy enough as it is... no... you nerds need to stay in the office. Why couldn't you just stay at your desk where you belong?", replies Marie angrily.

"Got too boring...", answers Jeff.

"Sigh...", remarks Marie.

 

[jeffthesquid]

Jeff Has An Idea

Jeff is now on break with the Squid Sisters and is discussing his latest idea to the idols.

"So you're saying you don't like the Anarchy battles.", says Marie.

"No! I hate it. I mean it sucks so bad because of how often you get splatted - there's like nowhere to hide!", answers Jeff.

"Yeah, but we have more upgraded weapons than in the past.", adds Callie.

"There's terrible! Putting stickers on existing weapons is not an upgrade. Also why did you remove the flank routes from the stages. I was talking with squids and they said the stages used to have places where you could hide. What is carp is up with that?", asks Jeff.

"Look, if you're going to criticize the stages, maybe you shouldn't bother fighting in the arena... also... why are you eating that lollipop? It's for display only and we sprayed it with chemicals. I'm surprised with all your intellect that you would do something as stupid as that.", remarks Marie.

"What does the lollipop have to do with anything? My point is the stages are terrible, you closed down Urchin Underpass which I heard was awesome and Arowana Mall is closed down as well. I recently toured those places and they're awesome places to hide.", remarks Jeff.

"Look, we don't manage the stages anymore. You need to talk to Deep Cut, okay.", adds Marie.

 

[jeffthesquid]

Jeff decides to fly to Splatsville rather than walk or take a taxi. He follows the newly completed Hammerhead Bridge.

"Whoa! It's a bird, it's a plane, no, it's Jeff!", exclaims the male Inkling.

"Man, you got to admire someone who can invent something like that. He can't get any fresher than that! Maybe something exciting will come about from it...", says the make Inkling.

 

[jeffthesquid]

Jeff and Deep Cut

Jeff flies into Splatsville busting into Deep Cut's studio.

"Umm... who is this guy? Or, rather, what is that?", asks Shiver nervously.

"It looks like that flying guy that we saw outside our window last week.", answers Frye.

"Ay (He looks like Jeff. Yeah, I heard of him. He invented a glider but he doesn't need to take off from a high place or anything like that. He can fly like a bird!)", adds Big Man.

"Geeze! What was that? He just smashed through the window!", screams a jelly.

Jeff walks over to Deep Cut.

"Hey! We haven't met officially but I'm Super Jeff. I fight in turf war. I want to talk about some of the courses.", asks Jeff.

"We're on break so we can talk for a bit.", chimes in Shiver.

"Oh hey boss Marie!", says Frye.

"Boss? I thought she told me that you people run the courses now.", exclaims Jeff.

"Yes, but she's our boss.", adds Shiver.

"Ok, how did she get here so fast.", asks Jeff.

"I took the train. I saw you flying and wanted to make sure you don't mess anything up... well... you broke the window!", adds Marie.

"Ay (I thought a super hero broke into our studio!)", exclaims Big Man.

"I am Super Jeff! Don't forget it!", adds Jeff.

"Whatever! So what do you want to talk about Jeff?", asks Marie.

"I just want to ask why the stages are so cramped compared to how they used to be.", asks Jeff.

"We rebuilt some of them like that to allow for more close quarter fighting. This goes with the theme of anarchy!", replies Shiver.

"That's terrible. Those stages suck so much - I mean look at Mahi Mahi Resort. Someone told me that there used to be more side platforms there. No flank routes so it pretty much sucks for my team.", exclaims Jeff.

"Well, what do you want us to do, Jeff? You want us to tear down the courses and build them like they were before. You want us to reopen old courses like Urchin Underpass or Arawana Mall?", replies Shiver angrily.

"No! I want to build my own courses and create a new type of battle.", replies Jeff.

"No! Stop! No capes or gliders!", exclaims Marie.

"Cape? Oh, that thing.", exclaims Frye.

Deep cut looks at Jeff with curiosity for a second.

"See, I can fly. Have you all played Super Mario World?", asks Jeff.

"Yes, when I was young.", replies Shiver.

"He's making a game like it with himself in it. He works for Archo V Games as a programmer.", adds Marie.

"Oh, but what does that have to do with Anarchy battle or the courses?", asks Shiver.

"You see. I can fly 100 feet into the air and dive in on my opponents when they're not looking.", exclaims Jeff.

"That's not fair to the other team. We never okayed your cape. I need to talk to Judd about allowing this.", says Marie.

"So if he can swoop in on opponents then that would be his main attack?", asks Shiver.

"No, my main is the tri-stringer with the power-ink glove.", replies Jeff.

"Oh, so I guess that is okay... if Sheldon made the weapon we're fine with it.", explains Shiver.

"No, I made it.", exclaims Jeff.

"That's not allowed. You need to remove any mods that you did to your weapon.", explains Shiver.

"Why? The weapon is highly effective. I was able to take out two opponents... well, an Inkling and Judd.", explains Jeff.

"WHAT??? You should be removed from battle!", screams Marie.

"So explain to us what your sub-weapon is.", says Frye.

"My sub-weapon is my cape. I spin it like Mario and knock out whole bunch of squids - it's great!", laughs Jeff.

"Yeah, that's definitely not fair to the other team or even your own.", says Marie.

"And what about your special?", asks Frye.

"For my special I just dive down onto my opponents and stomp them.", replies Jeff.

"So basically, you can take out the entire opposing team yourself while the rest of your team inks the turf - not fair and a huge violation. From here forth I'm banning you from all battles - turf war and Anarchy. You may not step into any of the arenas.", commands Marie.

"Yeah, I think we're in agreement too.", adds Shiver.

"That's stupid. If I can't fight then Inkopolis and Splatsville will just become as boring as it's already getting. Man, this blows!", exclaims Jeff.

"I'm also cutting you from our studio. I want Archo V Games as a sponsor but not you. We can do fine without you in the studio. As of now get out of here!", commands Marie.

"Nah! You just need to cool off, Marie, and, Shiver, you need a set of wings.", exclaims Jeff.

"You mean a cape... why would you say that?", asks Shiver.

"You look like you're wearing one.", replies Jeff.

"It's a poncho. I don't know if I can handle flying. I scared of that thing. It moves so fast and looks dangerous.", exclaims Shiver.

"Then we can put it on the big guy.", exclaims Jeff.

"No, leave Big Man alone. He doesn't need a cape.", exclaims Frye.

"Sigh...", mumbles Marie.

 

[jeffthesquid]

Jeff Invents a Weapon

Jeff goes back to his house.

"I got to do something about turf war. Not only am I kicked out but I can't even be a sponsor for the Squid Sisters. Maybe if I make an entrance during the upcoming Splatfest...", says Jeff eating his friend chicken which he stole from some squid at the park.

"Well, let's brainstorm... I'm going to need a new weapon. Weapons in Inkopolis and made from everyday things like umbrellas and pipes.", says Jeff to himself.

Jeff looks out his window and sees Yoko and the Gold Bazookas practicing in the park.

"Oh carp. I could use that trombone to build the putt gun. Yeah, it would launch ink... wait, that's lame... how'd about just random stuff covered with ink. That would definitely make the battle interesting.", says Jeff.

Jeff begins to draw on the whiteboard.

"Well, so I can mount two ink tanks on the top of the weapon and then place an item on the front of the trombone. That way the item gets covered with ink. I'll use a pressurized soda can to increase the force of the weapon. I'll just put it on the mouthpiece.", remarks Jeff.

However, Jeff now gets another idea and it hits him like a bucket of KFC.

"Shoot, I think I'm onto something here. What if I take an empty coke bottle and inject the ink directly into it via the trombone. I could then place side pipes to allow the ink to go out in two directions in order to control speed. I'll program a circuit board to control that and this way I can make honing ink rockets. Shoot, I'll be invincible!", exclaims Jeff.

Jeff is so excited that he puts on his cape and flies into Yoko and the Golden Bazookas while they're practicing.

"It's so nice to practice at Blackbelly Skatepark. No one here and I feel so relaxed.", says Yoko.

Just then Jeff swoops down and grabs the trombone.

"YIKES! That creep stole my bazooka!", screams Tao Blu.

"I was so relaxed before this now I just don't feel like practicing... how the heck can anyone fly like that? No hand glider can maneuver that way!", exclaims Yoko.

"Aren't hand gliders usually on the mountains? I saw this guy the other day and seems like he took off from flat ground. Must be some kind of genius.", remarks Tosh.

"Whatever... I need to get back my instrument because it's actually made of gold.", exclaims Tao Blu.

"Yeah, but where did he go? I just don't see him anymore.", adds Yoko.

 

[jeffthesquid]

Jeff flies back to Jeff Lab with the trombone to build something awesome!

"Blackbelly Skatepark is awesome and I'm going to totally dominate the skies with the weapon I'm going to build! To the lab!!!", exclaims Jeff.

Jeff arrives at his lab to create an invention that even Sheldon would be proud of!

"Ok, the two ink bottles that I stole from those squids at Hagglefish Market. I need to build the rockets. I have a bunch of coke bottles in one of the F's of Jeff Lab.", exclaims Jeff.

"Ok, ok, it looks good. I can make several of these and stash them in my cape. There's a lot of room in there... the bottles should self-fill when they touch the ink and I can have them fly back to the trombone!", exclaims Jeff.

Jeff looks around a bit and then remembers that his laptop is at home.

"Shoot! I need to get my laptop to program this thing with it's onboard battery, camera, and battery re charger that is powered by the rear nozzles this rocket is sure to be successful.", explains Jeff.

Jeff runs home to grab his laptop.

 

[jeffthesquid]

Jeff comes back to his lab with his laptop and begins the programming process.

"Let's see...", mumbles Jeff.

"Well, the camera, rocket valves that are in the pipes, and battery are all initialized. Now we need image recognition. It needs to be done in an intelligent way. We need to identify a face but only of the opposing team... the only thing I can think of is ink color. That would definitely differentiate the opposing team.", explains Jeff.

"Well, here's Marie's face. I just need to map the eyes, nose and mouth along with the head.", explains Jeff.

"Everyone has a face so no problem here. Octolings also look similar to Inklings... not really sure what I am but I think I may be a weird looking Inkling. I'm probably too small to be a human.", says Jeff.

"There's our face. Now just need to feed this base image which is vector by the way to the image recognition engine that I built.", explains Jeff.

 

[jeffthesquid]

"Yeah, that should do it for the face recognition. Next thing to do would be to get the colors of the team from the live stream service in the arena. We can get the color from the opposing team. It's a good thing I worked at Archo V Games because I learned about all this stuff.", remarks Jeff.

Jeff now begins to program the firing code and tracker for the rocket.

"Ok, so if I find the closest image I can track the target. If the target is not in sight the rocket should go forward anyways.", remarks Jeff.

"Ok, let's keep going... I'll need to keep track of the direction the image is moving too.", explains Jeff.

"Phew! That was a lot of code. The only thing left is the firing mechanism for the rocket... probably the best way to do this is to detect ink pressure from the trombone itself!", remarks Jeff.

"Yep! That does it! It's ready to go! I must unit test this thing first... let's see where is Marie?", remarks Jeff.

 

[jeffthesquid]

Jeff finishes his invention but still wants to test it.

"Yeah! I'm going to make an entrance to Marie's studio!", laughs Jeff.

"Marie! Marie! I think I saw Jeff flying with a trombone in his hand.", exclaims Callie.

"Let me look... yeah, and it's green. Kind of looks like Tao Blu's golden bazooka but glazed green. He probably stole it from her... wait... is that a new weapon that he made?", exclaims Marie.

"Look Marie, a bottle rocket is moving towards your face!", exclaims Callie.

"What did I do to deserve something like this...", exclaims Marie before being splatted by Jeff's rocket.

 

[Bennet]

I was speed reading this pausing at the most funniest parts and this is awesome

 

[jeffthesquid]

Thanks! I love writing stories like this. It helps me get more engaged with the game.

 

[Bennet]

one question can u put Splat tim in?

 

[jeffthesquid]

Yes

 

[Bennet]

thank u!

 

[jeffthesquid]

"Hey Marie! Can I have my rocket back?", asks Jeff.

"I don't know how you can have the guts to come in here after splatting Marie. You have no shame at all!", replies Callie with anger.

"Ok, so you made a new weapon... I really don't know what point you're trying to make but go back to turf war if you want. Just get this carp off of me! NOW!", insists Marie.

"You know you're a nerd and your intelligence could be useful in creating weapons for Grizzco Industries.", replies Callie

"That would be awesome! I would totally like to fight off the Salmonids. I'd do it for Inkopolis!", remarks Jeff.

 

[jeffthesquid]

Jeff Takes on Salmon Run

Jeff flies over to Inkopolis Plaza and goes to the entrance of Grizzco Industries.

"Well, this must be it. I've been told that I'll need to read the training manual first. That kind of blows but whatever!"

"Hmm, haven't seen you here before but I have seen you flying. Nice glider you have there.", remarks a female Inkling.

"Yeah, I play a lot of Super Mario World and I designed it from Mario's cape.", replies Jeff.

"It will be interesting to see you battle the Salmonids but be aware that some of them can fly.", remarks the female Inkling.

"Fly? Man, I didn't count on that! Are you sure?" asks Jeff.

"Well, they don't fly, per say, but they do jump out of a large ship and some drop down from a large tornado.", answers the female Inkling.

"It's no problem if they can't fly and just drop down. I have some techniques that can give them the boot!", remarks Jeff.

"Good. Just make sure you read the manual before we start and get into uniform.", suggest the female Inkling.