Didn’t Know I Wanted That: The Two Bad Weapons That I Play

[🌌☾ᏉᎬᎶᎪ☽⭐]

Hello. I've been thinking of something lately.

It's that time again. That time where I talk about weapons because those are my hyperfixations and I wanna go through my thought process when going through weapons. Now although I'm an absolute sucker for some good weapons, Splatoon is a game with extreme hits and the wildest stinkers you got cuz who else but Nintendo is gonna do it? So allow me to take a deep dive into my weapon pool, and I hope you enjoy the read.

Undercover Brella:
Starting off with the Undercover Brella, I think this one's an infamous weapon and also a meme because of how bad it is. If you've gone through my posts, you probably know that I love the Snipewriter, so much to the point where I'll defend it 'till I die and pray Nintendo never nerfs it because I'm evil like that, but the signature next to it also has the Undercover Brella, specifically the first kit. How does one main the best and the worst weapon at the same time? Well I'll tell ya cuz when this this was initially revealed before release let's just say I was on that boat of "Damn, they really did it again?" They sure did do it again cuz I don't think anyone wanted Ink Mine on this thing, much less a Splashdown rework in Reefslider. Now in S2 I did dabble with the Ink Mine Splashdown kit, got it to 33.5 wins on Turf War since I was a Turf warrior back then but when initially playing this kit in S3, all I could really think to myself was "Oh my god please get Sorella in already." And so at about Drizzle 2023, I pretty much dropped the weapon as I got burned out from it.

So Chill Season 2023 comes out, and here's Sorella ready to represent the world with the power of Torpedo and... Screen.

Oh god Screen.

I'm not gonna go on for too long just, you knew the drill initial release Splattercolor Screen was hot garbo and not because the special itself was bad. I know Nintendo did try to fix it but it's still not enough and people are still mad over it.

But back to me playing this new kit. This kit was the first marathon styled weapon I did, where I played nothing but this weapon for the next days to see how fast I could 5 star it and boy was the next 15 days of this thing a nightmare, doing Torpedo combos on the enemy and finding places to make my screen as useless as possible so while I could say I "didn't" use it I would still contribute to the badge (for context special badges require that you win a match and use said special during the match at least once). But I did it. I 5 starred it and I was exhausted. At least now I had a semi competent Brella that could fight.

And then during that same season, I slowly began to shift. I picked up the Vanilla kit again and I went to finish what I had started, with this kit that nobody gave much regard to. The ball started rolling.

Sorella was still fun I thought.

It continued to roll.

Okay maybe this kit is still fun.

It's still going.

I wished for this kit. Why am I suddenly not feeling anything towards it?

Holy **** it's a meteor!

Who was gonna tell me VUnder was this good!?

Folks at home a Chill Season 2023 reform and a half later and I'm out here like Danny Devito crying "I get it." This kit; this damn kit is so much fun. I know some of you guys might be sticklers in saying that it's still a terrible weapon and to that I give you my hottest take of the century which is that I believe VUnder is genuinely a better kit than SUnder. How did we get here? It's Reefslider. Reefslider can't be good.

My god Ink Mine is a blessing in disguise you wouldn't believe just how good of a sub this actually is for Undercover provided you have a team to back you up. Is it Torpedo 60 damage god no but the ability to combo, to trap, to shave a shot, to go for broke, even combo off of Reefslider. This thing is such a sleeper pick of a sub for this weapon and you can be screaming at me "but Vega, the damage combos aren't absolute" and so what if it isn't? This thing has a simple quirk to it which is why I will scream to the heavens that it's better than Torpedo for Undercover.

Psst.
No white ink.

This god forsaken sub allowing you to recover ink instantly turns this from the thing you leave behind and forget to the most messiest sloppiest crackhead brella gameplay you can perform. If you pick VUnder up I am telling you SPAM INK MINE. Keep your Ink Mines constantly updated on your current location so that when you initiate a fight you have a shield to stall out opponents, some damage to pepper on them, and by the time the shield breaks and you run away for the opponent to chase you it's over.

Explode <3

Ink Mine kills with this thing are so good; I swear no weapon synergizes as good with Ink Mine as Undercover (except maybe Tenta Brella but Tenta Brella doesn't radiate crackhead energy to me). And I haven't really touched Reefslider yet.

Is good.

I remember someone talking about how Undercover doesn't wanna go in because it's weak but I'm gonna tell you, you should absolutely go in. Go out there and get that Reefslider combo, if you're gonna die immediately smack an Ink Mine down for the unfortunate soul who took 70 damage to walk into, not to mention if you're in, you're an Undercover Brella. You as a brella are to be an annoyance and stall your opponents; constantly give them something to worry about and be a thorn in their spine. Lay your mines and ride a shark to victory cuz I don't think any other weapon has synergy this bad that it wraps around into being so good.

Does your Torpedo have style? Can it recover ink so you stall longer? Do you need a sheet of bubbles from a crock pot to ambush? God you SUnder players are missing out. I'm spreading the VUnder propaganda here and you should absolutely play this weapon if you wanna be a devious little rat that cares about nothing but not only annoying your enemies to oblivion but to have playmaking power so fast your second kit wishes it could keep up.

As a closing note, I just wanna say my god I really hope in Splatoon 4 they give this weapon Ink Mine again, heck give it Ink Mine Reefslider again. There's probably better options like Burst Bomb but my god I don't think they live up to the hype that Ink Mine offers once you really understand this weapon. Really hope to see this weapon make a resurgence in competitive somehow because that one 8.0.0 japanese zones tier list that ranked this weapon at C tier still rings in my mind. I'm a huge believer in this weapon. Make it happen.

Neo Sploosh-O-Matic:
To my dear friend Evie, I am so sorry nobody listened to you in that one VC we had in Eeltail Zones.

If you've seen me play Neo Sploosh, you know me for this specific gear set. This would've never been here on this list had Octobrush Nouveau come out before this weapon. I had this exact gear abilities back in Splatoon 2 for that weapon. Loved being able to play extremely fast and having the beakons (aptly named "speedkons" by me) match that was a blast. This is the party trick I pull out specifically for Private Battles in VCs with friends, and seeing people slowly catch on to the beakons and realizing just how much of a threat they were will forever be funny to me. So many thank yous. So many screams. So much chaos thanks to these things.

Now cut to Splatoon 3, I needed a substitute for this play-style. Dapples was definitely alright but it wasn't really fitting the bill in terms of the kind of speed I wanted so when the Neo Sploosh got shown with this kit, well damn now I gotta try it now. Many people thought this kit would be the "paint unimportant corner spam special" weapon it was back in S2, but since Wail is not Tenta Missiles, it never really got played like that in my eyes. Wail for this weapon is a lot more interactive even though Inkbrush probably fits the bill better, but hey it lets you get in kinda. Beakons on this thing though feels like a dream come true though in the most sickest way possible because I know this thing could've gotten a good kit, but this still rocks though. You know what you're here for it's time to be a rat and maybe sometimes place beakons for your teammates. Playing objective with this thing is such a wild thing to do because once the momentum is going, it's gone and the beakons being giga buffed makes it that much harder for your opponents to stop it once it's rolling.

The way you just run to a beakon spot, place it for your team, run to the edge of the map and back to go for some cheeky kills and maybe even infest your enemy's spawn is the kind of stuff my S2 Camp Triggerfish Clam Blitz camping self would be proud of, and boy does it work. I'm sorry you don't fit the bill anymore S3 Octobrush Nouveau, but you gave me something great with your absence.

And also Eeltail Zones.

So that's what I've been thinking about today. Do you squids octopuses and possibly kids have bad weapons that you enjoy? Feel free to talk about them here and I hope to see you all next time.

 

[RetroShark]

And also Eeltail Zones.
View attachment 13792

last image goes hard


I’ve been told bloblobber sucks… but it’s my baby and I love it :(

 

[Zonink]

My favorite conventionally bad weapon in this game is definitely Big Swig Express. Not really even as just a turbo painting sit behind the zone weapon but as a pseudo aggressive weapon. fully using dart and max range verticals to combo kill people like stamper. It's so addicting. I think it's one of the highest skill ceiling weapons in the game but is just really hard to actually use and the actual hitbox of the vertical is microscopic. no idea why it's like that lmao.

 

[OnePotWonder]

Big Swig Roller is still seen as one of the "bad" weapons in the eyes of the community, on par with Clash Blaster and Goo Tuber. Therefore it is easily the most underrated weapon in the game, because Big Swig Roller is a fantastic main weapon. You have almost as much range as Dynamo and flick twice as fast. Sure, the only one-shot requires landing a thin vertical flick, but you're not supposed to go for one-shots with the weapon. Its maximum horizontal flick range overlaps with its 60 damage vertical range, rewarding good aim on a vertical flick with an extremely consistent -two punch.

Its kits do hold it back, but they're not terrible synergy-wise. Splash Wall isn't good on any roller, but it does at least function on Swig, making up for its higher vulnerability in close range with the lack of a lethal horizontal. The Wall also compliments the special of Ink Vac, which functions at about the same range the roller typically plays at. The express kit is easily the more fun one, though, with Angle Shooter's ability to finish off retreating opponents and locate them with its tripwire having great synergy with the main's abilities. And Ink Storm enhances all of the aspects of the main weapon, adding to paint and chip damage alongside supporting its team.

Meaningful Ink Vac and Angle Shooter buffs would contribute an unimaginable amount to this weapon's performance.

 

[Mx_Diva]

I’ve always liked the Gloogas for some reason. Ironically I have 600k freshness points in them.

 

[sevenleaf]

I’ve always liked the Gloogas for some reason. Ironically I have 600k freshness points in them.

gloogas are good and respectable though. i promise. i swear. listen—

 

[QuagSass]

Always appreciate Ink Mine praise around here. You can do some stupid stupid things with it. People don't give mines enough credit as a weird combo tool. Sure it's no Burst Bomb or Splat Bomb, but it's way funnier than either of those. Also you can kill Ultra Stamps with it.

Also while I feel a little silly talking about it here, the Hydra Splatling is generally considered a bad weapon. It tends to flunctuate between low- and midtiers depending on the meta. But regardless I believe in her <3
All things considered, the weapon's been treated quite nicely. It's clear the devs are very careful with buffing Hydra (as they should be!), but the buffs that it has gotten have been quite nice. Nothing groundbreaking, but appreciated. The kits it has are nice too, even if the vanilla kit leaves a bit to be desired with synergy-wise. Hydra's kits have historically attempted to give the weapon multiple playstyles, but s3 is the first time I think the devs have actually succeeded.
This weapon has it's identity clear and it has fun kits with distinct differences. What more could you want?

I don't want it to ever be top tier, since that would require it to lose all it's identity. We got Edit for that.

 

[OnePotWonder]

Another weapon I'd like to point out is Splattershot Nova. The main weapon is nothing spectacular, of course, but having a mid-range shooter with a decent fire rate is very nice, and its time to splat is actually quite fair so long as its shots land. It needs better accuracy, that's an undeniable truth, but the main isn't exactly what I want to talk about here anyway.

The thing I do want to point out about it is its Annaki kit. If you ever feel like playing a weapon for fun, I cannot recommend Annaki Nova enough for it. Ink Mines are a fun sub already, especially stacked with Sub Power Up, and Inkjet is not only Inkjet, but also really easy to farm with the Nova. It might just be my love of setting traps, but I think this kit is peak fun and needs more appreciation.

 

[Squid_Boards]

Hello. I've been thinking of something lately.

It's that time again. That time where I talk about weapons because those are my hyperfixations and I wanna go through my thought process when going through weapons. Now although I'm an absolute sucker for some good weapons, Splatoon is a game with extreme hits and the wildest stinkers you got cuz who else but Nintendo is gonna do it? So allow me to take a deep dive into my weapon pool, and I hope you enjoy the read.

Undercover Brella:
Starting off with the Undercover Brella, I think this one's an infamous weapon and also a meme because of how bad it is. If you've gone through my posts, you probably know that I love the Snipewriter, so much to the point where I'll defend it 'till I die and pray Nintendo never nerfs it because I'm evil like that, but the signature next to it also has the Undercover Brella, specifically the first kit. How does one main the best and the worst weapon at the same time? Well I'll tell ya cuz when this this was initially revealed before release let's just say I was on that boat of "Damn, they really did it again?" They sure did do it again cuz I don't think anyone wanted Ink Mine on this thing, much less a Splashdown rework in Reefslider. Now in S2 I did dabble with the Ink Mine Splashdown kit, got it to 33.5 wins on Turf War since I was a Turf warrior back then but when initially playing this kit in S3, all I could really think to myself was "Oh my god please get Sorella in already." And so at about Drizzle 2023, I pretty much dropped the weapon as I got burned out from it.

So Chill Season 2023 comes out, and here's Sorella ready to represent the world with the power of Torpedo and... Screen.

Oh god Screen.

I'm not gonna go on for too long just, you knew the drill initial release Splattercolor Screen was hot garbo and not because the special itself was bad. I know Nintendo did try to fix it but it's still not enough and people are still mad over it.

But back to me playing this new kit. This kit was the first marathon styled weapon I did, where I played nothing but this weapon for the next days to see how fast I could 5 star it and boy was the next 15 days of this thing a nightmare, doing Torpedo combos on the enemy and finding places to make my screen as useless as possible so while I could say I "didn't" use it I would still contribute to the badge (for context special badges require that you win a match and use said special during the match at least once). But I did it. I 5 starred it and I was exhausted. At least now I had a semi competent Brella that could fight.

And then during that same season, I slowly began to shift. I picked up the Vanilla kit again and I went to finish what I had started, with this kit that nobody gave much regard to. The ball started rolling.

Sorella was still fun I thought.

It continued to roll.

Okay maybe this kit is still fun.

It's still going.

I wished for this kit. Why am I suddenly not feeling anything towards it?

Holy **** it's a meteor!

Who was gonna tell me VUnder was this good!?

Folks at home a Chill Season 2023 reform and a half later and I'm out here like Danny Devito crying "I get it." This kit; this damn kit is so much fun. I know some of you guys might be sticklers in saying that it's still a terrible weapon and to that I give you my hottest take of the century which is that I believe VUnder is genuinely a better kit than SUnder. How did we get here? It's Reefslider. Reefslider can't be good.

My god Ink Mine is a blessing in disguise you wouldn't believe just how good of a sub this actually is for Undercover provided you have a team to back you up. Is it Torpedo 60 damage god no but the ability to combo, to trap, to shave a shot, to go for broke, even combo off of Reefslider. This thing is such a sleeper pick of a sub for this weapon and you can be screaming at me "but Vega, the damage combos aren't absolute" and so what if it isn't? This thing has a simple quirk to it which is why I will scream to the heavens that it's better than Torpedo for Undercover.

Psst.
No white ink.

This god forsaken sub allowing you to recover ink instantly turns this from the thing you leave behind and forget to the most messiest sloppiest crackhead brella gameplay you can perform. If you pick VUnder up I am telling you SPAM INK MINE. Keep your Ink Mines constantly updated on your current location so that when you initiate a fight you have a shield to stall out opponents, some damage to pepper on them, and by the time the shield breaks and you run away for the opponent to chase you it's over.

Explode <3

Ink Mine kills with this thing are so good; I swear no weapon synergizes as good with Ink Mine as Undercover (except maybe Tenta Brella but Tenta Brella doesn't radiate crackhead energy to me). And I haven't really touched Reefslider yet.

Is good.

I remember someone talking about how Undercover doesn't wanna go in because it's weak but I'm gonna tell you, you should absolutely go in. Go out there and get that Reefslider combo, if you're gonna die immediately smack an Ink Mine down for the unfortunate soul who took 70 damage to walk into, not to mention if you're in, you're an Undercover Brella. You as a brella are to be an annoyance and stall your opponents; constantly give them something to worry about and be a thorn in their spine. Lay your mines and ride a shark to victory cuz I don't think any other weapon has synergy this bad that it wraps around into being so good.

Does your Torpedo have style? Can it recover ink so you stall longer? Do you need a sheet of bubbles from a crock pot to ambush? God you SUnder players are missing out. I'm spreading the VUnder propaganda here and you should absolutely play this weapon if you wanna be a devious little rat that cares about nothing but not only annoying your enemies to oblivion but to have playmaking power so fast your second kit wishes it could keep up.

As a closing note, I just wanna say my god I really hope in Splatoon 4 they give this weapon Ink Mine again, heck give it Ink Mine Reefslider again. There's probably better options like Burst Bomb but my god I don't think they live up to the hype that Ink Mine offers once you really understand this weapon. Really hope to see this weapon make a resurgence in competitive somehow because that one 8.0.0 japanese zones tier list that ranked this weapon at C tier still rings in my mind. I'm a huge believer in this weapon. Make it happen.

Neo Sploosh-O-Matic:
To my dear friend Evie, I am so sorry nobody listened to you in that one VC we had in Eeltail Zones.

View attachment 13791

If you've seen me play Neo Sploosh, you know me for this specific gear set. This would've never been here on this list had Octobrush Nouveau come out before this weapon. I had this exact gear abilities back in Splatoon 2 for that weapon. Loved being able to play extremely fast and having the beakons (aptly named "speedkons" by me) match that was a blast. This is the party trick I pull out specifically for Private Battles in VCs with friends, and seeing people slowly catch on to the beakons and realizing just how much of a threat they were will forever be funny to me. So many thank yous. So many screams. So much chaos thanks to these things.

Now cut to Splatoon 3, I needed a substitute for this play-style. Dapples was definitely alright but it wasn't really fitting the bill in terms of the kind of speed I wanted so when the Neo Sploosh got shown with this kit, well damn now I gotta try it now. Many people thought this kit would be the "paint unimportant corner spam special" weapon it was back in S2, but since Wail is not Tenta Missiles, it never really got played like that in my eyes. Wail for this weapon is a lot more interactive even though Inkbrush probably fits the bill better, but hey it lets you get in kinda. Beakons on this thing though feels like a dream come true though in the most sickest way possible because I know this thing could've gotten a good kit, but this still rocks though. You know what you're here for it's time to be a rat and maybe sometimes place beakons for your teammates. Playing objective with this thing is such a wild thing to do because once the momentum is going, it's gone and the beakons being giga buffed makes it that much harder for your opponents to stop it once it's rolling.

The way you just run to a beakon spot, place it for your team, run to the edge of the map and back to go for some cheeky kills and maybe even infest your enemy's spawn is the kind of stuff my S2 Camp Triggerfish Clam Blitz camping self would be proud of, and boy does it work. I'm sorry you don't fit the bill anymore S3 Octobrush Nouveau, but you gave me something great with your absence.

And also Eeltail Zones.
View attachment 13792

So that's what I've been thinking about today. Do you squids octopuses and possibly kids have bad weapons that you enjoy? Feel free to talk about them here and I hope to see you all next time.

While I haven't really played it myself (I haven't played most chargers), I've always admired the goo tuber for its uniqueness. As gimmicky as the insanely long charge hold seems, it's definitely a useful mechanic that enables it to have much more mobility than the rest of the charger class. That, and it's the only charger that is intended to actually get splats with a partial charge.
The kits are pretty bad though imo, and I feel like it could shine if it had better synergy with its sub and special.

 

[DzNutsKong]

While I haven't really played it myself (I haven't played most chargers), I've always admired the goo tuber for its uniqueness. As gimmicky as the insanely long charge hold seems, it's definitely a useful mechanic that enables it to have much more mobility than the rest of the charger class. That, and it's the only charger that is intended to actually get splats with a partial charge.
The kits are pretty bad though imo, and I feel like it could shine if it had better synergy with its sub and special.

Something interesting to point out here, not really as an argument as much as an interesting little nugget of history - Goo Tuber has seen usage at top-level play! At the very start of Splatoon 3's lifespan, the vanilla Goo Tuber saw some use as an alternative to the Flingza Roller for a Tenta Missiles weapon. It was definitely the weaker of the two but its tap shot paint output wasn't bad and the fact that it had a Torpedo was a huge deal for it. Having a real bomb is some huge utility, especially one like this that can give quick, helpful damage for teamfights or can mess with slower weapons. Check this video from one of Splatoon 3's first big LANs featuring two top-level pickups. Goo Tuber is in more games than it isn't here!

However...I'd still say that Goo Tuber is in need of some changes, mostly because there won't be much reason to use it in most metas. The above example is more because Tenta Missiles were incredibly broken on launch and the other existing Tenta Missiles weapons had weird subweapons. I'm no Goo Tuber enthusiast so take what I say below in particular with a grain of salt.

Outside of bizarre cases like what we saw on launch, I can't see people finding much reason to use it. Squiffer plays to controlling space a lot better so it's stuck trying to find more purpose in playing faster but a weapon like this can't exactly "go in" super well because of the charge time. Even if the charge time weren't an issue, there would still be other midlines like the Slosher, Squeezer, and basically every other meta-relevant midline. Those can all play a whole lot faster than Goo Tuber can in a game where speed is a huge deal.

It's entirely possible that the thing with launch happens again, even with a less broken special maybe, but it'd probably just be better if Goo Tuber got some kind of buffs instead.

 

[Grushi]

Lay your mines and ride a shark to victory cuz I don't think any other weapon has synergy this bad that it wraps around into being so good.

This is such a perfect describer for vanilla undercover. I hate it so much it loops back around to being funny, seeing good vunder gameplay is hilarious and infuriating. Truly a work of art