Corrupt a Wish!

Granted, but it bites

I wish I could be an armadillo

 

Granted, but armadillos now get ruthlessly hunted for their armor.

I wish I could make memes danker.

 

Granted, but you can never be as dank as dank Hank (@Nintendome )

Um

I wish I could be fast like Sanic (who's birthday is apparently today)

 

Granted, but you would be so fast you'd never be able to stop.( @G1ng3rGar1 )

Uhhh....
I wish I could make any fandom a reality.(homestuck, splatoon itself, etc)

 

Granted, but you are the nemesis of everyone in said fandom.

I wish I could breathe underwater.

 

Granted, but you can never eat seafood again.

I wish I could draw perfectly

 

I mean I never eat seafood to begin with so this is okay with me

 

Granted, but you have the handwriting of a doctor

I wish I could be a decent chef

 

Granted, but your taste buds no longer work.

I wish I were a decent competitive Smash Bros. player.

 

Granted, but suddenly everyone in the community gets a lot better so your skill is below average anyway.

I wish I had a laser gun.

 

Granted, but it overheats and can burn you severely if you're not careful.

I wish that I could have all the Kirby merchandise in existence.

 

Granted, but it's so heavy that your floor breaks and an abyss opens under your house.
I wish I could have a robot army at my command.

 

Granted, but there are too many and they all get confused and blow up.

I wish I was an inkling (I realize I have already said this twice)

 

Granted, but you get made fun of for the rest of your life and get called a cosplayer.

I wish it was impossible to get sick.

 

Granted, but this makes you a carrier to everyone else for just about every disease

I wish I could play sports

 

Granted, but you will always be benched and only get to play the last two minutes of any game.

I wish I had a nice girlfriend.

 

Granted, but you can only see her in person every winter.

I wish I was a character in the Kirby universe.

 

Granted, but you get eaten by Kirby instantly.
I wish I was an inkling AND live in the Splatoon world.

 

Granted BUT you get trapped in Octo Valley

I wish I wasn't so cold

 

Granted, but you will constantly sweat for the rest of your life.

I wish I had a superpower.