crushes :(

[Catloafman]

I used to really like one for a while but I didn't realise how much I was obsessed until she moved away I just hope I didn't make it too obvious (I totally did)

 

[Grushi]

Have you people heard of internalized homophobia? It's me I'm internalized homophobia

My crush history is kind of sad to look back on because I never had any genuine crushes on people before you know , mostly pretending to be straight and accidentally friendzoning my best friend who thought we were a couple in elementary school (I learned about that years later it's still so funny to me). But once I realized I was not straight™ I was terrified of seeming like a freak, I was so worried about seeming too feminine and stuff. Big insecurity material for me back then. So I kind of suppressed a lot of genuine attraction because I didn't want to get rejected and I was so worried of what these guys would think of me. I just never acted on anything because I was scared and kind of deluded myself into thinking "oh it's too early to tell" (I'm a hopeless romantic it's pretty easy for me to tell who I'm attracted to, but I guess I didn't trust myself). I'm still kind of struggling with this honestly.

I only really had one crush in high school that seemed somewhat Not Straight on my gaydar, but I never figured it out and one of my friends literally told me "oh he's too ugly for you" which is pretty sad and unhinged looking back. So I never acted on it until it was too late. I also have really supportive friends, everyone was cheering for me and I had a lot of queer friends but that didn't help me lol. I'm my biggest homophobe.
Though it's also worth mentioning I was dealing with a LOT of unrelated issues which kind of put teenage crushes on the back foot for me, I still cared but I had much more draining stuff to deal with in my personal life, and still do, honestly.

Fun story though: I was on a somewhat empty train very recently and there's a guy in a seat further in the wagon, who looked really cool, and who rings my gaydar a little. And then for the last 20 minutes we kept doing awkward eye contact for suspicious amounts of time and staring at each other, so I get bold and start making scenarios in my head until I decide screw it, if he gets off at my stop I'm asking his number, shame be damned.
He did not get off at my stop, heartbreaking. We stared at each other again as I was going out and I just smiled at him. I might have missed the love of my life that day, a tragedy.

 

[sevenleaf]

Fun story though: I was on a somewhat empty train very recently and there's a guy in a seat further in the wagon, who looked really cool, and who rings my gaydar a little. And then for the last 20 minutes we kept doing awkward eye contact for suspicious amounts of time and staring at each other, so I get bold and start making scenarios in my head until I decide screw it, if he gets off at my stop I'm asking his number, shame be damned.
He did not get off at my stop, heartbreaking. We stared at each other again as I was going out and I just smiled at him. I might have missed the love of my life that day, a tragedy.

look. look if you ever happen to be on a train with this guy again. you know what you have to do

(and i'm rooting for u. may the odds be in ur favor)

 

[DzNutsKong]

Some parts of that Grushi story in particular remind me of something I felt would be fun to share.

The first big crush I had was over this one girl in high school. We never even talked I just thought she was like extremely pretty. All of the stuff that comes with that made it difficult to focus in classes I shared with her among other things. Antisocial high schooler stuff, you know how it is.

Like a year after that was done, I had moved on and started going to my local Smash tournaments. After a few weeks there were these weird, indescribable feelings I felt towards this guy there. I liked the way he looked, liked something about the way he talked to me, found him funny, and was especially happy when he in particular found my jokes funny or seemed interested in a conversation we were having in a way that I hadn't felt with other friends or people in general. This feeling almost reminded me of the way I felt towards that girl the year before...

"But I'm straight, so that can't be it."

I don't know how that wasn't a dead giveaway. I forgot about all of this before years later realizing that - get this - I'm not straight. Shocker. Funny enough though it wasn't even all of this that helped me realize that.

 

[Vidknight]

Ahh... I remember it like it was yesterday. 6th grade I had this crush on this girl I really like, but I didn't tell her at least directly. I was in computer class and talking with some of my classmates and somehow we got on topic of crushes. They said they didn't have a crush on anybody I did for some idiotic reason. They would not let up and was bombarding me with questions like "Who it is?" "Does she come to our school?" "Is it somebody in our class?".

I didn't tell them anything except for the fact that it was somebody who had a as the second letter of their name. horrible idea as there was two people in our class who had an a as the second letter in their name. So they proceeded to ask "Is it [Girl A]?" to which I replied no they then asked "Is it [Girl B]" to which I decided to reply YES. They then proceed to shout this girl name at the top of their lungs to which FREAKING EVERYONE heard.

Before we continue you know that saying that goes the worse that could happen is them saying no? Well I'm here to say that's false here is what happened
The girl hearing her named called came to our table
"What was yall calling me for?"
"Somebody have a crush on you!"
"What! who is it?"
*Points to me while I proceeded to smile like I was a chimp being given a banana*
Out of everything she could've said she said "ew" and proceeded to walk back to her table. Keep in mind EVERYONE WAS WATCHING!!!
That was the biggest blow to my confidence ever I laughed it off, but inside it was basically an emotional critical hit.

Keep in mind she's not a bad person. in fact I still go to the same high school as her, but still ew? I get that 6th graders are usually ugly, but no other words to deny me except ew!

I'm over it now since it was a middle school crush and there was 0 chance that relationship would've lasted longer than a 3 months if she said yes. I wouldn't even say I'm hurt much by it even back then. But still man ew is just rough.

Anyway moral of the story unless it's somebody you trust don't tell anybody your crush. (Surprised there is a moral here.)

 

[Cephalobro]

Ahh... I remember it like it was yesterday. 6th grade I had this crush on this girl I really like, but I didn't tell her at least directly. I was in computer class and talking with some of my classmates and somehow we got on topic of crushes. They said they didn't have a crush on anybody I did for some idiotic reason. They would not let up and was bombarding me with questions like "Who it is?" "Does she come to our school?" "Is it somebody in our class?".

I didn't tell them anything except for the fact that it was somebody who had a as the second letter of their name. horrible idea as there was two people in our class who had an a as the second letter in their name. So they proceeded to ask "Is it [Girl A]?" to which I replied no they then asked "Is it [Girl B]" to which I decided to reply YES. They then proceed to shout this girl name at the top of their lungs to which FREAKING EVERYONE heard.

Before we continue you know that saying that goes the worse that could happen is them saying no? Well I'm here to say that's false here is what happened
The girl hearing her named called came to our table
"What was yall calling me for?"
"Somebody have a crush on you!"
"What! who is it?"
*Points to me while I proceeded to smile like I was a chimp being given a banana*
Out of everything she could've said she said "ew" and proceeded to walk back to her table. Keep in mind EVERYONE WAS WATCHING!!!
That was the biggest blow to my confidence ever I laughed it off, but inside it was basically an emotional critical hit.

Keep in mind she's not a bad person. in fact I still go to the same high school as her, but still ew? I get that 6th graders are usually ugly, but no other words to deny me except ew!

I'm over it now since it was a middle school crush and there was 0 chance that relationship would've lasted longer than a 3 months if she said yes. I wouldn't even say I'm hurt much by it even back then. But still man ew is just rough.

Anyway moral of the story unless it's somebody you trust don't tell anybody your crush. (Surprised there is a moral here.)

I'm sorry she had called you that.

I hope you can find another girl who actually likes you and not say hurtful things to you at first sight.

 

[Vidknight]

I'm sorry she had called you that.

I hope you can find another girl who actually likes you and not say hurtful things to you at first sight.

No worries like I said it was middle school relationships there last for 6 months at most and beside I'm wayyyy over at this point I just decided to share that story since yknow the thread being about crushes and all that.

 

[sevenleaf]

Ahh... I remember it like it was yesterday. 6th grade I had this crush on this girl I really like, but I didn't tell her at least directly. I was in computer class and talking with some of my classmates and somehow we got on topic of crushes. They said they didn't have a crush on anybody I did for some idiotic reason. They would not let up and was bombarding me with questions like "Who it is?" "Does she come to our school?" "Is it somebody in our class?".

I didn't tell them anything except for the fact that it was somebody who had a as the second letter of their name. horrible idea as there was two people in our class who had an a as the second letter in their name. So they proceeded to ask "Is it [Girl A]?" to which I replied no they then asked "Is it [Girl B]" to which I decided to reply YES. They then proceed to shout this girl name at the top of their lungs to which FREAKING EVERYONE heard.

Before we continue you know that saying that goes the worse that could happen is them saying no? Well I'm here to say that's false here is what happened
The girl hearing her named called came to our table
"What was yall calling me for?"
"Somebody have a crush on you!"
"What! who is it?"
*Points to me while I proceeded to smile like I was a chimp being given a banana*
Out of everything she could've said she said "ew" and proceeded to walk back to her table. Keep in mind EVERYONE WAS WATCHING!!!
That was the biggest blow to my confidence ever I laughed it off, but inside it was basically an emotional critical hit.

Keep in mind she's not a bad person. in fact I still go to the same high school as her, but still ew? I get that 6th graders are usually ugly, but no other words to deny me except ew!

I'm over it now since it was a middle school crush and there was 0 chance that relationship would've lasted longer than a 3 months if she said yes. I wouldn't even say I'm hurt much by it even back then. But still man ew is just rough.

Anyway moral of the story unless it's somebody you trust don't tell anybody your crush. (Surprised there is a moral here.)

when i'm in a 'telling someone's crush about their feelings for them' challenge and my opponent is the average middle schooler

ha you actually awakened another memory. in 7th grade i had a crush on this girl who was definitely straight* and way more socially well-adjusted than i was. nothing too dramatic one way or another happened about it, but years later one of my friends at the time - who i'd had a strained friendship with that year - apologized to me for a number of things, including... telling said girl i had a crush on her. which was the first i'd heard of this happening. like, looking back i felt like towards the end of the school year she'd started to keep her distance from me, but because i had such critically low self-esteem that year, i assumed that at most i'd started to make myself too obvious and creep her out organically. cue the radiohead song

she moved away at the end of that school year. probably for the best for both of us, tbh

*or at least likely identified as such 12 years ago, based on an interaction i'd had with her the year before (this trying-too-hard-to-be-a-bully dude called me a lesbian, girl in question went "no [they're] not!", i was like "yes i am", she went "Oh"). i literally haven't heard from her since then, who knows who she is now?

 

[Cephalobro]

If things go according to plan, either this year or next year I will have a new crush where she will be the successful one for me to stay in a relationship with.

 

[Neko :D]

I had a crush on this guy named Neal in 5th and 6th grade, and my best friend didn't know, so we were talking and she was like, "Hey, y'know Neal?? I think I like him." And I had to control my jaw, because it almost dropped. All that was going through my head was, "Jeez, how unlucky is that? We like the same guy." So I went home that night, and the night after, etc., and would just cry into my pillow because my friend was obviously more his type and nicer than me.
At one point every second of my day was taken up by the fact that I actually knew Neal since 4th grade while my friend had only known him for like, a month. They ended up getting super close because, but I didn't say anything to her about it because I didn't want to risk losing a friend. About 3 weeks after I noticed them getting really close, I had to move, so my guess would be that they started dating, but I don't know if they still are because I don't keep in touch with them.

I don't even know why I liked him, he was just funny, and even though we were aware of each other we never really had a conversation. And I guess I'm just not the type of person to actually TRY and start a relationship with someone unless they're the ones trying because even now, I still have no idea what I'm doing.

 

[missingno]

When I was in high school, I got accepted into a student ambassadorship program to Japan. "Student Ambadassor" really just meant "tour group with a fancy title", but I had a lot of fun on the trip, and the fancy title did look nice on my college application and resume. Saving up to travel again on my own in a few years.

I hit it off with a girl in the tour group, she was cute and we liked a bunch of the same games. She was obsessed with Elite Beat Agents and I happened to have my imported copy of Ouendan 2 with me, which I think made me the coolest person in the world?

At the airport on our way home, we exchanged email addresses to keep in touch. But I must've lost whatever piece of paper I wrote it down on. She never ended up emailing me either, so we lost touch forever...

 

[sevenleaf]

these missed connection stories are breaking my heart secondhand that’s almost worse than rejection

i don’t think about it much these days, i hardly knew the girl after all, but in my sophomore year of high school i went to a community dance for queer youth and ended up slow dancing with/actively being taught how to slow dance by this girl there. she didn’t have a phone i don’t think so we told each other our names to find each other on facebook, but she didn’t have anything to write mine down on so she probably forgot how to spell my last name, and her name was a common one that brought up a bunch of people and i had no idea which one was her… so needless to say i never saw her again. sad

 

[solz]

I feel so young here 🫥

 

[Mp3]

My best friend and I had the same crush for 2 years and never told each other.. and they started dating

 

[OCTöHEAD]

.....so today i learned a new word that describes some feelings i've had in the (not-so-distant) past,

Compersion, huh? I didn't know the name but I know first hand that it's a cornerstone of well functioning poly relationships ^^

 

[Cephalobro]

Oh, forgot to mention that while I was too focused on getting good grades during high school to date any other girl, there were so many chances I have unknowingly ignored, all because I did not want to date a girl who had a bad influence. So that was a bit of my own fault, plus some of the girls looked like they had a crush on me at the time, if only I wasn't so stupidly naive, well that and because I tend to be generally too shy IRL to talk to people I don't know face to face. That was really one of the few regrets that I have from that time.

 

[sevenleaf]

Compersion, huh? I didn't know the name but I know first hand that it's a cornerstone of well functioning poly relationships ^^

makes sense! i just didn't know there was a word for the feeling. (i called it 'secondhand warm fuzzies??' up until learning the word lol.) the person i've been crushing on for... a year and a half... is polyamorous and the fact that seeing/hearing about them spending time with their partners gave me that feeling instead of Burning Jealousy tipped me off to the fact that i... may not be as monogamous as i thought i was, lol. i've never really been a jealous person, so...

 

[How•SweeT!]

I know it seems kinda weird that I haven’t said anything about it but I mage the thread soooo
2 years ago I had a boy I liked and I think he liked me but I wasn’t rlly sure ._.
looong story short he did and we got together and things were going rlly good but…
he started coming to me with all of his problems and I didn’t rlly know how to deal with it. I tired to be helpful but I don’t think I changed anything. on October 18 he decided to take his life.
I haven’t had a bf since and I won’t have one for a while. I still can’t rlly get over it and I’m not ready for another one

 

[sevenleaf]

I know it seems kinda weird that I haven’t said anything about it but I mage the thread soooo
2 years ago I had a boy I liked and I think he liked me but I wasn’t rlly sure ._.
looong story short he did and we got together and things were going rlly good but…
he started coming to me with all of his problems and I didn’t rlly know how to deal with it. I tired to be helpful but I don’t think I changed anything. on October 18 he decided to take his life.
I haven’t had a bf since and I won’t have one for a while. I still can’t rlly get over it and I’m not ready for another one

oh my god, i'm so sorry. please don't feel rushed to "get over it". take all the time you need to grieve.

 

[RetroShark]

I know it seems kinda weird that I haven’t said anything about it but I mage the thread soooo
2 years ago I had a boy I liked and I think he liked me but I wasn’t rlly sure ._.
looong story short he did and we got together and things were going rlly good but…
he started coming to me with all of his problems and I didn’t rlly know how to deal with it. I tired to be helpful but I don’t think I changed anything. on October 18 he decided to take his life.
I haven’t had a bf since and I won’t have one for a while. I still can’t rlly get over it and I’m not ready for another one

Holy… I’m so sorry…
I… seriously don’t know what to say…
…
Take your time, like sevenleaf said